Fat people get horny too!!

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Have you ever looked at anything selling sex,  sex toys,  or suggestable clothing and noticed there are very few that show models,  specifically women, above a size 4 or so? Even sites claiming to cater to plus sized individuals, really display plus sized models,  and IF they do,  they might be a size 16.  The average dress in the US is somewhere around 14-16 for women,  yet the models are always tiny.

Now, I will be the first person to admit that there has been some improvements,  in magazines and other media, but not so much in shopping.  Jump over to Amazon and search for plus sized clothing and I’ll bet there is not one picture of a plus sized women,  even when the sizes available to purchase start at XL.  I don’t know about you,  but I’d like a better idea of what something might look like on someone closer to my size!

Clothing sales isn’t the only place this occurs.  Trying to purchase sex related gear or toys turns out the same way,  advertisements always feature porn-ish pictures of people in the throws of passion never having to struggle to reach their clit, or if they can reach it,  how out of breath it makes them.  Maybe that’s just me.

I’d pay good money for products that show honesty in their advertising… the fishnet stockings where the holes are stretched more around luscious thighs,  the corset that shows something bigger than an A cup with a like spillage over the top.  We’d all benefit from less expectation to meet some socially accepted stereotype of what is sexy.

I’ve met people of all shapes and sizes that not only want sex,  but actively attempt to shop for things that make them feel sex or enhance their sexual exploits.  Just give me some sexy,  comfy outfits for this big ass and I’ll be happy.

What stresses you when it comes to sex related purchases? What would you like to see,  or what would convince you to buy?

– raxleanne

When “normal” gets in the way…


So you may or may not know at this point that I am in Graduate School.  I am working toward becoming a counselor/therapist that will specialize in kink friendly, sex-positive, mental health services for “alternative” sexuality, gender, lifestyles, etc…  In my personal experience and research, particularly where I am located, finding a therapist/counselor that expresses that they are sex-positive or kink friendly is near, if not completely impossible.

So that is where I am this week, midterm exams looming over my head in two difficult classes.  I am fighting the desire to just put off studying and wing it, versus the requirements that I meet certain requirements.  Add to that my SO (D in training) has a crazy work schedule, and then there are our kids around.  I’ll be so happy when Spring finally arrives.  So needless to say, our kinky antics have to take a back burner more often than either of us would like.  I find myself researching to try to find alternative ways to embrace my submission.  Maybe, I can get him to just order me to study.  Though not sure if that would work.  I tend to compartmentalize our relationship, the children, school, and everything else that the world throws at me.  I still have not figured out how to balance it all.  What can I say I am a work in progress!

What I would really love more than anything is to be taken and ignore everything else for just one day.  But ‘normal’ life pulls in every direction.

So wish me luck on my upcoming exams!

As a side note, beginning March 1st I will be starting a blog series thanks to the support of some great people… so look for it.

Thanks Y’all,


Where it all began…

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Journey back with me … almost 18 years old and I met a man, significantly older than I, while working at McDonald’s of all places. The way he spoke to me, sent shocks down to my core. My inexperienced immature mind had no idea what it meant. Over the course of a couple weeks, as my birthday approached, he made simple comments that I found myself spending hours upon hours hitting repeat in my head. With less than a week left til the big day, he walked straight up to me and asked me if I wanted to know how a woman is supposed to feel!! Stunned silent, I know I turned 10 shades of red, I retreated into my work and tried to avoid his glances as he ate his damn Big Mac, minus pickle and onion (24 years later and I can still remember that geez!)

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Dazed and Confused


Is this really a possibility?  I sit here and wonder if this nagging feeling that I just cannot seem to let go of it stupid, a waste of time, or maybe, just maybe… possible.  When I ask close family and friends that understand (most of) my kinks and sexual stance, some are very supportive.  “Do what you want, people will either love it or hate it,” they say.  Others are a little more constructively critical.  Do I have a unique voice in the sex information/blogging/website stratosphere????? And the honest answer to that question is most likely no.  There are tons of websites and blogs devoted to sex, kink, even mental health and understanding how they all cohabitate.  So I find my self struggling to decide if this is something I really want to do.

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Here goes nothin’

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Staring at the blinking cursor, petrified at the implications of my written words blasted across the webiverse. I’ve written before, for my education, in a personal journal, as part of my submissive journey. BUT, I’ve never intentionally put anything online to share my inner most thoughts, secrets, or the scariest of all… my dreams. Where will my current path lead me? Is this the right step? How will it be perceived? Or… will it turn on me, lay myself open to ridicule and doubt. Does it really matter? My opinions, things I’ve learned. In all my reading, listening, and research, there is something missing.

So, who am I? Be careful what you ask, I warn you, I can be a handful. At my core, I am an extremely open-minded sexual individual. Always looking to make friends and learn new things… finally returning to active kink after a bit of a break. There is no category that really fits, I am a polyamorous heterosubmissive and homodominant. Looking to learn more of all the above.

What do I believe? Honestly, I believe everyone has the capacity to be kinky. I think that all too often our true selves are subjugated to living within the socially constructed confines of normality. Further, I believe that haters, rigid non-kinksters, and individuals that turn to verbal, and sometimes verbal, attacks to those of us that have embraced our primal desires, are merely conditioned to reject the things they do not understand.

Why am I doing this? There is a lot of information, online, in books, even podcasts related to sexual discovery, kink, and BDSM. Some I have ingested, plenty more that I have yet to explore. My personal journey involves the psychology of kink… the reasons behind why we have the desires we do, how to accept that they are part of us, and how to grow into a fully integrated, self-actualized individual. My official educational journey is not yet complete (1 more year, then on to specialization), however, there are tons of thoughts, ideas, and questions lurking already that are just screaming to get out. Therefore, instead of scribbling in some notebook or journal til my hand cramps, or saving dozens, or hundreds of Word documents onto my overloaded computer or in the cloud, I’ve come here.

Thanks for dropping by, and I’ll see you soon!

– raxleanne