When Drop is Ignored

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Day 24 of 30 days of exploration through D/s

Today’s topic is Drop, SubDrop and DomDrop… basically that inevitable down swing of hormones and emotions that can occur after an intense scene or kinky play. Drop is one of those things in D/s that should be discussed as part of any scene negotiation or relationship communication. Because Drop cannot necessarily be avoided it is important to understand what can happen and how to handle it when it does.

The Ideal

In a perfect world Drop would occur during that window of time that aftercare is offered. In this scenario, the partner would have all the physical and emotional support they may need as they ‘come down’. In the most basic of situations, water (or Gatorade), light food, and sometimes a favorite blanket or something to cuddle with is all someone may need during this time. Really they just need to know they are not alone. And after intense scenes or play it may be a good idea to check in with each other over the next 24-48 hours or so.

The Danger Zone

Conversely, there are times that the worst can happen. Triggers during a scene can cause a severe case of Drop followed by equally severe emotional turmoil. In my case, I unknowing did not negotiate any aftercare. I attended a party, took part in an intense scene, where towards the end I became extremely triggered when my partner placed my in real police issued handcuffs. He did the right thing and all play stopped when my reaction turned into panic. However, there was no one there (slow night, more of a play party than proper dungeon) that knew how to handle such an intense Drop and emotional situation. As far as I can remember, I was placed in a car, dropped off at home, alone, and not checked in on… at all. I lucked out, my roommate came home a few hours later and knew me well enough to take care of me. To say I went through an emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. I’m fine now, so no worries, but I did learn a ton from that night.

Now What…

Muy advice to anyone looking to negotiate a scene with a new partner or even existing relationship, discuss the details of aftercare, what you expect of each other, what you can offer, what you may need, and finally what’d to do if something goes wrong.

Shoutout

The post is part of an ongoing series found on LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here. if you would like to join in, check them out. If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

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Kink with a Full House

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Day 23 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

The original topic for today was supposed to be Drop. However, after what’s been going on the last couple of days, that’ll have to be another day… but I think this is still part of understanding our new D/s dynamic. 

For the first time in quite some time, we have a house full.  And I do mean full.  My mother, my two daughters, my son-in-law (almost), two grandchildren – and of course me and my D.  So tonight, every available bed-like surface will be utilized, and I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic.    Yesterday we worked hard on some of our remodel mess and went to bed quite early.  Kinky fuckery was the farthest thing from my mind when I my head hit the pillow. 

Since taking our relationship toward D/s, we try to connect in some way every day.  Sometimes it is solely sexual, other times it is gestures, even glances.  We have not implemented any specific protocols; mostly because we have not found any that fit us. 

Sneaking in some Kink

My D had to work today, which as usual means he is up and out of the house by 6am, and I am usually still asleep (not a morning person here).  Not this morning though!  For whatever reason, when he woke around 5am, it stirred me… in all kinds of ways.  It was a combination of his smell, the lack of contact the night before and … probably just my nature.  I snuggled into him, suckled my way down to his cock and tasted what I had desperately missed.  Hearing his hushed moans pleased that side of me that wants to give him all the pleasure I can.  When he reached to grab my ass, I was undone, he has learned recently that I love it when he plays with my ass.  It wasn’t too long before he threw me over on my back and took my wet pussy with his rock-hard cock.  He took all he wanted until on his signal we both climaxed together.  It was so hard to stifle that scream of pleasure. 

It was short, anything but sweet, but what we both really needed.  And … he went to work smelling like our union, which is such an amazing turn on.

The Result…

I was able to fall into a deep relaxed sleep having connected, having offered myself, pleasing my D is the best way to relax.  Messages throughout the day reminded me of our power exchange and how into it he is.

Making me – a very happy submissive 😉

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The post is part of an ongoing series found on LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s
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Allusive Subspace

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Day 22 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Subspace is one of those things associated with D/s, specifically the submissive side, although some claim similar headspace can be achieved by dominants, that can be a great benefit, but unfortunately is not always a guarantee.  Subspace can be most easily explained by the rush of hormones that lead to a feeling of being faint, flying, or buzzed.  Some have likened subspace to alcohol intoxication, due to the buzzed or foggy mind feeling, as well as the drop, or hangover that can occur. 

I, unfortunately, have little experience with Subspace.  I think, in part due to my over-analytical nature, have only reached Subspace one time that I can remember.  Consequently, I found myself chasing Subspace, consenting to more and more intense play, trying to achieve that feeling.  As someone who has addictive personality traits, I am now more aware of the negative consequences of the chase and no longer try.

Perhaps my biggest lesson of submission has been that I must learn what really giving up control is, there is a marked difference between the words and the actions.  This time around, I am committed to giving my submission my full focus.  Only time will tell how it works out.

Have you been to Subspace? What did you learn?

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Subfrenzy

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Day 21 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Subfrenzy- is that state of mind during a new D/s relationship when the idea of submission is overwhelmingly excited.  When a submissive wants to do ‘all of the things’, submit to every conceivable request of their dominant and give up the most control.  There are dangers inherent to subfrenzy as well.  For example, a submissive in subfrenzy may grant consent to their dominant for areas that, when they are in their normal way of thinking, they may disagree with or regret.

When subfrenzy hits home

My first experience with subfrenzy was comical when I look back on it now.  I see the desperate submissive doing everything possible to please my dominant without any thought to my own desires, limitations, and best interests.  One example of this was my dominants desire to have me kneel for long periods of time.  Many submissives kneel as part of their submission, so of course I jumped into the idea.  However, I have extremely bad joints and multiple compression fractures in my back.  The act of kneeling as part of my submission decreased my already weakened circulation to my distal joints and caused problems in one of my ankles that led to surgery.  I failed to consider the effect of the kneeling on my physical health because I just wanted to serve my dominant.

However, I am not immune to subfrenzy now, as my relationship moves into D/s, I find my excitement sometimes gets the best of me and I want things, or to offer things that can be hazardous.  My Dominant and I have agreed that any new protocols will have a delay, giving us both time to consider if there are any modifications that need to be made.  So far, there have not been any issues, and it is my hope by delaying, logistics will be apparent and keep us both safe.

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Sex on Demand

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Day 20 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Many D/s or power exchange relationships include sexual availability as part of their negotiations.  It is not uncommon for a submissive to agree to being 100% sexually available to their Dominant.  But what does this really mean?

In general, any kind of sexual encounter within a D/s dynamic will fall within the health and physical wellbeing of the individuals.  That is, a Dominant is not likely to initiate sex when they do not feel well, neither should they initiate when their submissive is unwell, physically or mentally.  As with any kink, consent ONLY applies when the individual possesses the availability to give their consent. Therefore, being sexually available is still bound by consent.

That being said, being sexually available 24/7 typically means that a Dominant can request, take, or initiate sex whenever they desire.  This can be amazing.  As a submissive, with a high sex drive, the idea of just being told “Now” is such a turn on.  It also has the added side benefit of taking away any expectation for me to initiate any sexual encounter, which outside of D/s relationships has been a personal issue of mine. 

So where do you sit on the spectrum of sexual availability?  Are you a nighttime only, 24/7, only certain days or atmospheres, or has sexual availability even been discussed in your D/s relationship?  Drop a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Orgasm Control led to Squirting

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Day 19 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Orgasm control, the often mysterious and devilish act that can encompass everything from complete orgasm denial, edging, forced, multiple orgasms and so much more.  As a biological female and submissive, the idea of my Dominate having complete control over not only whether I do orgasm, but also the length and intensity of them is so…. HOT!

Squirting (female ejaculation)

In previous D/s dynamics, the Doms tended to enjoy more control over frequency then the forced or multiple orgasms.  It was thanks to orgasm denial for over a month that I first came to know that I could ejaculate.  Sometimes referred to as squirting, female ejaculation is not possible for every woman, but the ones that can will likely tell you that they gush more than squirt, especially if they are well hydrated.  Do not be manipulated by porn images of women gushing rivers.  While there can be quite a mess, those scenes are typically the result of the vaginal canal and even lower uterine space being filled with water at some point.  The muscles spasms cause the effect.  Reality is not hugely different.  If I have been a good girl, drinking the amount of water that I should, there is often a large wet spot left behind.  Lots of towels are a must in our sexual play.

Forced Orgasms

When it comes to forced orgasms, the most common from what I have been told are clitoral orgasms.  The clitoris becomes swollen and very sensitive during and after orgasm, so that in many cases, multiple or rolling (one after another, often indistinguishable) orgasms can occur easily, especially when using assisted manipulation; either a vibrator or partner.  In my experience, and of those I have talked to, rarely are we disciplined enough to force rolling orgasms.  In a way, the constant intensity needed is so overwhelming that we cannot keep up the pressure on our own.  However, a partner is not limited by the urge to stop, so they can make it just keep coming (pun intended).

Finally, whether you have experienced orgasm control, or are just curious, there are many different levels and ways that a power exchange dynamic can determine the amount of control.  If you have never given that power over, I encourage you to try it, you may be pleasantly surprised

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Kink without Sex??

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Day 18 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Is it possible to be kinky without having sex? Some might find it hard to understand, but there are plenty of ways that you can be kinky that do not directly involve sexual intercourse.  In fact, many dungeons do not allow sex on the premises due to city ordinances and such.  I know, I know… in many cases the people playing may be going home to have sex.  However, not necessarily.  There are times when people negotiate a one-time scene, in most of these cases they do not involve sex. 

Types of non-sexual D/s

Another dynamic that can be successful without kink is a D/s or other power exchange.  One good example of this is LDR (long distance relationships), there are plenty of LDR D/s couples that go an extended period between visits, some even years.  They are not able to have sexual contact, yet the power exchange can very much be a large part of their dynamic. 

The past

I previously had an online only D/s relationship, and due to the rules and protocols that we set in place, I grew in my submission leaps and bounds without ever having been in the same room.  Sexual submissives may struggle at first with a no-sex dynamic, I did, but found that the intimacy and connection was strong enough to fulfill me for the time we were in the power exchange.

My current relationship

In my current relationship, we are trying to negotiate some non-sexual power exchange.  Our struggle lies in not having as much experience; me with non-sexual in person submission, him with taking control outside of the bedroom.  I would love for our D/s to be 24/7, some day it will get there.

So, give me some ideas… what non-sexual ways do you express your D/s. 

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s
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Categories: 30 days of discovery Tags: ,

Living in a Kink Desert

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Day 17 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Kinksters hear repeatedly that the best way to expand their understanding of kink is to get out and socialize within the kink community.  And I do not disagree.  However, for me there is no real community near me.  I am in the middle of the US and last I checked (10 minutes ago) the closest munch was almost 3 hours away.  There is a couple party houses about an hour away, but those are more the swingers scene.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, just not what I am looking for right now.

So… what do I do instead???

Well, for me, I am lucky that most people that know me, know about my kinks, or at least that I fully support the kink community.  I have a few close friends that I have been blessed with that do not judge my choices. Otherwise, I take to the internet.  For years I had an active profile on Fetlife, Tagged, and other websites that allow kinksters to interact.  I did recently reactivate my Fetlife account, and of course the creepy messages have already started; even though I have full disclosed that I am only looking to network and make friends.  I do know a few people that have been lucky on these sites and even others.  In most cases it seems that they find only one-time encounters, and the days of that for me are long gone.

If money were not an issue, I would finance a dungeon around here.  My D and I cannot be the only kinksters that would be interested.  And let’s face it, we are just like most people, we do not have the space and privacy necessary for a personal play room… although that is definitely on my wish list for after the kiddos are grown 😉

I am always open to suggestions.  Where have you found like minded people?  Have you made lasting friendships within the community?  And, what would your dream dungeon look like? 

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

When Real Life Interferes With D/s

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Day 15 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Real life has a way of being like a freight train moving through the pleasure parts of our lives.  For me it is no different.  Trying to keep a deep D/s connection during times of increased stress must become a priority.

Recently a close family member was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.  That was the reason for the trip last week.  However, even after returning home, the increase stress from the situation did not just disappear.  Maybe it is just me and my overactive mind that has such a hard time just letting go of the outside world.  I have found there are a couple of ways to handle these things in my D/s relationship. 

What we do that helps

Communication

First, communication, as always, is key.  Revealing to your partner what is going on in your head may seem simple enough, but when it comes to doing that thing called talking, we typically get in our own way.  However, high stress times make taking this step even more important.  From my own perspective, I know that if I am stressed and not able to verbalize why I can begin to fall down that rabbit whole that will cause an even bigger issue in my relationship(s).  Conversely, when my partner is highly stressed, I also have a hard time not taking on the pressure.  I blame myself or think that it is something I have caused or in the least am inadequate to fix.  This is when I find my submissive desires to be the strongest.  I try to just be there for my partner.  Eventually it seems to level back out.

Routine

Second, structure/protocols provide much need routine during times of increased stress.  The mind is an amazing thing, and when we institute routine into our daily lives, it helps the mind to calm, almost meditate.  I have learned from many others that the smallest tasks help to remind many submissives of their service.  On the other hand, Dominants benefit from the routine when outside stressors occur by being able to depend on their submissives to do those routine things.  They become as dependent on the routine as submissives do.

Take a break

Finally, do not be afraid to take a step back from the strict D/s, and just be with each other.  I find myself desiring the power dynamic so much, even depending on it, that I forget that beyond all of that we are two individuals that are walking this life together, and no labels are needed to define that.  Some people may disagree, or think that putting the power exchange on hold makes us less D/s.  However, when we come back, it ends up being a big comfort.  Almost like a lost love.

Want to be part of the conversation…

So, how do you deal with lives stressors? Do you dig your heals into your D/s? Does it take a backseat?

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Don’t forget to check out the rest of my blog and follow me on Twitter @raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Maintaining D/s When You’re Apart

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Day 15 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Another perfectly timed prompt.  It’s Spring Break time around here, and last weekend I took my kids and grandkids to see my sister.  We were gone for four days; leaving my sweet D home alone.  We did not plan to implement any specific D/s protocols while I was away.  However, I expected some of the normal daily routine.  One thing that is a daily way for us to connect is when D messages me when he gets to work.  I am usually still asleep when he leaves home and I see it as soon as I wake, and always message him back. 

When I panic or worry

For those in this part of the world, last Sunday was daylight savings time.  It also happened to be D’s day off, and the first time in forever waking to an empty house.  So, when I awoke to no message, my heart sank.  I tend to worry too much, so my mind immediately went to all the things that could go wrong on his way to work.  Why hadn’t I gotten a text?? So I messaged him.  A short while later, he messaged me that he had just woke up.  I felt like an idiot, not only did I forget it was daylight savings time, I forgot he did not work that day, and had spent at least an hour in panic over nothing.

My point is that there are often simple things that can be done when you are not with your D/s partner.  In my case, we now laugh about my reaction, but I have gotten every morning message since.  Try to find small ways to feel connected.  For some people there may be activities or protocols that will help you.  I do not have as much experience with Long Distance D/s, but if you are looking for help from people who lived it, definitely check out LovingBDSM, Kayla Lords and John Brownstone are a LDR turned 24/7 D/s couple who are proof that it can work.

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s