That’s my good girl…

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She kneels quietly in anticipation, she’s waited so long for this night.  He should be walking through the door at any moment.  Her Master, her whole world, has been too far away for too long.  She resists the urge to glance at the clock.  The agreement was that she would be kneeling just inside the door when he arrived, head down.  She’s been here for what seems like an eternity, but she also knows that her mind tends to play tricks on her.  The playlist echoing through the apartment they share on these rare meetings drowns out sounds coming from the hallway, but was that footsteps?  Her toes are starting to fall asleep, not quite painful yet, but getting there.  How much longer? 

Just when she began to think she had to move, she had to get up… there is a soft click. As the door opens her heartbeat drums in her ears.  She can smell him, dizziness hits with the familiar musky scent.  “There’s my good girl.” Her heart leaps in triumph.  He gently places his hand on her head and pulls her toward him.  She wraps herself around his legs as a single tear slides down her cheek. This, this is home.  He leans down to help her to her feet, as she dares to look up into those knowing eyes. 

“Have you missed me, my darling?” 

“Yes, Master,” she whispers.

“Come, let’s get you more comfortable.” He picks her up as if she weighs nothing, and heads toward the master bedroom.  The one room in the apartment that she cannot seem to go when he is away.  The soft blue walls and four poster iron bed seem like a dream as he walks to it and gently lays her down on the soft pillows.  As agreed, she wears only the light pink panties that he had sent her, delivered just yesterday with the directions for his arrival.  He traces the delicate lace, first along the top edge, just above her pelvic bone, then ever so slowly along the leg to her inner thigh.  A soft moan escapes her before she can control it.

“Hmm, you look good enough to eat, my darling.  Let’s see how well you’ve followed directions.”  He sneaks a single finger beneath the delicate fabric to find, yes, as directed, she is completely bare.  The expense of the wax was difficult on such short notice, but she had to follow his wishes.  She knew that she would reap such amazing rewards. 

He steps back just out of view, and begins to hum, likely to the music that is still playing from the other room.  She is caught in a fog that makes it too difficult to recognize the tune.  “Close your eyes, darling,” he says, knowing that she will do as asked.  This is the partnership they have created.  Her heart soars as she tries to make out the sounds she hears, causing her skin to glisten in the soft light.  Something is placed on the bed near her feet, but she dares not guess what. 

His hand lands on her ankle, a cool, fragrant lotion spreads as he moves slow and gently up her calf.  Now the other hand reaches the for the other ankle.  As he begins to massage and coax every nerve, the smell of lavender and something else surrounds her.  “My good girl deserves a new treat.” His hands are strong and confident moving up and down her legs, coming within a whisper of her, now hot, wet, center.  He lingers on her feet and knees where she knows there must be marks from the carpet.  Does seeing those marks please him, she wonders.  Finally, he skips over the delicate fabric and begins to move up her torso.  The only sensation she can understand is the chill of fresh cream as he replenishes. 

Her head is spinning long before he reaches her ample breasts.  In her daze, she is not prepared as he takes one erect nipple into his mouth.  A deep moan escapes her as he groans in triumph.  He knows she is ripe and ready for him. 

Without thinking she opens her eyes only slightly to find him directly above her.  “Oh darling, no peeking.”  As if he knew she would, he places a length of soft fabric over her eyes and lifts her head to tightly secure it.

“Do you trust me?” he asks.

“Yes, Master,” she whispers, knowing he would not cross any line they have agreed on.

“Do you remember your colors?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Remember those colors, my darling.”

“Yes, Master.”

Suddenly something is placed over her ears.  It took her a moment to realize that it was headphones, and a soft, familiar tune played in her ears, but drowned out that amazing voice.  She could no longer hear him.  She fought against the fear, that he would somehow disappear.  She trusted him, this was something she wanted.  She only needed to remind herself.  What is that?  She startles as a cold hard object is placed on her abdomen.  In seconds she notices a liquid seeping from the object, collecting in her navel.  Ice? Could that be ice?  Confused, she tries to focus on her abdomen.  She can now feel him pulling at those delicate pink panties.  Just as one sensation seems to come into focus, it is overtaken by something else.  He touches her, one, no two fingers search out her clit.  Small confident circles, she begins to tremor in pleasure.  It is a constant rhythm, not varying in speed or pressure.  She wants so much for those fingers to plunge into her.  She wants him, all of him, inside her.  She rocks her hips, hoping to coax him to her will.  A quick sharp snap as his hand strikes her hot pussy.  She knows he does not need or want her help.  He is in control.  The slow agonizing circles continue.  Suddenly, she realizes the ice is gone.  Could it possibly have melted that quickly?  Before her mind had a chance to answer her own question, she knew it had not melted as he plunged that ice sphere deep into her hot, wet pussy.  Waves of new and different sensations envelope her.  She fights to control her movements, but is unable to stop a load, deep moan from escaping. 

His mouth is upon her sex so quickly, tongue moving so quickly, sending sensation after sensation through her… fingers plunged into her pussy, moving the still melting ice even further.  She tries to focus on his mouth, he’s obviously so hungry.  But the sensations are so overwhelming.  She starts to reach up for the blindfold, but her wrist is snatched quickly.  “I want to see you,” she cries.  Everything stops, her heart sinks and she fights back tears.  One side of the headphones are lifted, and she hears that amazing voice. 

“Do you remember your colors, Darling?”

“Yes, Master,” she croaks, barely audible.

“Give me a color, Darling,” he demands.

“Green,” she is finally able to blurt out.  He smiles, she knows he does even though she cannot see it. 

“When I touch your hand, you will give me a color.”

“Yes, Master,” she purrs, knowing now he is not disappointed.

“That’s my good girl.  Now, leave your eyes and ears alone.”

“Yes, Master.”

To be continued…

Categories: Erotic Fiction Tags: , , ,

Discipline and Punishment

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Discipline and Punishment might bring about horrific memories of switches and the principal’s office for some.  For others, visions of regimented households where everything has its place, and everything is always in its place.  For me, discipline, falls somewhere in between, and punishment causes echoes of another kind of terror.  It is not uncommon for fears from younger days to transfer into triggers later in life, so anyone wanting to take the leap into BDSM, or similar power exchange relationships should be aware that these things can crop up at, typically, the most in opportune times.  There is nothing scarier than having flashbacks to a time when flyswatters and belts were the normal weapons of punishment, and they do not make you feel sexy or submissive. 

In my personal experience, discipline and punishment should be approached in the D/s dynamic with caution.  Open communication about previous experiences, both surrounding BDSM and in the ‘regular’ areas of life may help to stave off more intense triggers. 

Discipline can be confused with punishment and gets even harder to differentiate when “funishment” becomes part of a dynamic.  Whatever form discipline may take, there are many things to take into consideration.  One thing that I must deal with on a regular basis is physical limitations that may be as slight as mild discomfort, but more often include sharp, debilitating pain that makes even walking across a room difficult.  Therefore, the use of punishment as a deterrent, may be less effective, if the original act causes discomfort or pain. 

In my current dynamic, the focus of discipline has mostly been on improving my health.  Since this is something I am fully behind, I have not had the need for punishment…yet.  In the past, though not specifically called punishment, withholding sex was, unfortunately, the result of my “bad” behavior.  Now, I will say this is no longer the case, communication and renegotiation of those instances have resolved that punishment, as it was especially non-effective.

So what are your views on discipline and punishment? Do they differ now than they did before D/s?

Again this post is part of an ongoing series called 30 Days of D/s from LovingBDSM. If you haven’t checked them out yet, please do…

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

-raxleanne

Negotiation: A fancy word for talking in D/s??

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Day 4 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Negotiation is generally defined as a discussion aimed at reaching an agreement.  In D/s, that definition can apply, but should be expanded to allow for compromise on issues where agreement just cannot occur.  I have done plenty of research on D/s contracts and negotiations, and while I do believe there are instances where they can and should be implemented.  I have not been in a relationship that required a formal contract or negotiation.  Negotiations, in my personal experiences, have been on a circumstance by circumstance basis. 

At the beginning of any D/s or similar relationship, whether intended to be for one night or long-term, there MUST be an ongoing conversation.  People can and usually do change over time.  Protocols, for example, often change from one relationship to another, and can even change from one scene to another.  One scene, I may be completely fine being on display for all to see and another I may want to cover some or all body.  I cannot tell ahead of time where my headspace will be, therefore, it usually involves being prepared for each type of exposure, so I would likely wear clothing that allows access, but can keep me from being exposed, like a long cover up, or even crotchless panties (which reminds me… I need to do some shopping).

In a long-term D/s, or really any relationship, communication should be a priority.  And, negotiation is just a different way of thinking about communication; communication with the hope of agreement as the result.  As a submissive, every aspect of D/s is up for grabs when it comes to communication (negotiation), my Dominant either deals with it, or does not earn my submission.  Submissives can and should consider every aspect of their relationship as an area that could be discussed.  Very few submissives are 100% submissive in all areas of their lives.  Others, submission only applies to acts in the bedroom.  I guess overall, when I think about negotiations, I tend to think of the things that are my hard, or nearly, limits.  The things that fall under, only if every other variable is just right, I may consider it, situations. 

Do you see negotiations differently?  Is there one or more areas where you feel differently about conversations with your partner? 

Again, thanks to LovingBDSM for the prompt.  If you haven’t yet, please check them out, I promise you won’t be disappointed!

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

What Titles and Labels Do You Prefer?

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Titles are one of those things in D/s, or even BDSM, that can be either/both positive and negative.  Generally, I have a strong disdain for labels of any type.  Titles and labels give others a way of fitting someone into a preconceived mold of how they think they should appear, behave, or even what people they should then be partnered with.  If I was forced to pick one title to express myself at this point in my life, the simplest is submissive.  However, I also have switch behaviors, most typically I would be classified as a bottom, and I also have a few babygirl tendencies that will crop up from time to time.  I am a masochist, though some may consider me masochist-lite due to my preference against some of the more severe aspects of impact play.  In the past, I did embrace the titles pet, baby, and little, though they just do not fit me these days.

Titles/labels for my partners have changed over the years as well.  My first recognizable D/s (refer to Where it all began… for earlier experiences) was simple.  It was his desire that he be called Sir, and I obliged, however, my title was usually woman.  He took on the more domineering role that many associate with dominance, thanks to porn and media.  Another relationship was mostly long distance, from the beginning he wanted me to call him Master, but never really gave me a title, he was focused on my use of ‘yes, Master’ or ‘what ever you wish, Master’.  Looking back now, I can see how I was subjugated, and not completely honored. 

Fast forward to my current relationship, we have not really discussed labels or titles.  In the most D/s moments, he will use terms like ‘mine’, and it just makes me melt.  I have concluded that titles and labels may help to explain to someone a side of my personality, so that is really the only time I use them beyond sub/submissive, and Dom/Dominant for my partner.

What titles/labels do you/have you used?  Are there ones that you dislike or stay away from?

Admittedly, I was leery of the title Daddy, until recently.  Though it is still not one I could see myself using, I have a better understanding of the Daddy/Caregiver personality.  Thanks mostly to John Brownstone and Kayla Lords over at LovingBDSM.  They have taught me how different a Daddy Dom can be to my own preconceived notions in the past.  Also, they are who to thing for this topic… help me give them a thumbs up by checking them out!!

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

What Does Submission Mean to You?

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Day 2 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s 

If you would have asked me a decade ago what submission meant or was, I would have simply answered serving another, or giving up control to another person.  While yes, that is part of submission, it has since taken on so much more.  Submission involves an innate desire to be taken care of, supported, molded, and in an ever-evolving state of improvement.  Submission is best embrace when there is a trusting guide, usually a Dominant, to take the responsibility of the lessons that need to be learned.  However, submission can and does occur in every day social circles where people may not recognize what it represents.  Submission can take on forms such as helping; nurses, doctors, mental health practitioners for example, or service; customer service, creators, artists, and even police officers, firefighters and emts.  Many professions can fulfill a submissive desire if one is open-minded enough to search it out.

In a relationship, submission can also take many forms.  For me personally, I am mostly a sexual submissive in my primary relationship.  Therefore, my SO (D in training) takes on leadership and control in sexual situations.  However, there are times when he can remind me of my submission in simple, yet effective, ways.  Just the other day we spoke about a common gesture that he does without thinking that puts me in a submissive headspace nearly immediately.  Whenever I am driving and he is in the passenger seat of the car, he tends to grab the back of my neck.  Sometimes it just sits there, while other times he may massage or squeeze gently.  In the instances when we are alone, it works very quickly.  However, I realized only recently that it does not have the same effect when any of our children are in the car with us.  I choose to compartmentalize my submission.  And while I embody many submissive mannerisms around my children, such as taking care of them, or helping them in some way, I just do not feel the same way, so for me it is different enough.  I am always searching for ways to expand my submission.  This blog/website is part of that desire.

There also does NOT exist one type of submissive, as I have met and talked to individuals from many different backgrounds and personalities that embrace submission as a large part of their identity.  For me though there seems to be a few constants.  First, being an underlying need for at least one deep connection.  Some submissives may take time to trust another, but once they do, that trust goes to the core of their being.  Another unfortunate, but seemingly universal trait is self-deprecation in some form.  I do not mean this in a bad way, but all submissives I have spoken with are just too hard on themselves, myself included.  Sure, I try to be self-confident and fight what I refer to as my mental demons, but most individuals have that nagging voice of doubt, somewhere.  Except maybe psychopathic and narcissistic individuals, but that is a whole other issue.

What other ways do you define submission?  Are there universal traits to submissives?  What do you think?

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

What Does Dominance Mean to You?

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Ok, first things first, I must give a shout out to Kayla Lords and John Brownstone over at LovingBDSM for providing a wonderful workbook/ email opt-in to work with.   After subscribing to the email list, I later purchased the digital workbook to use to increase communication with my (new to D/s) partner.  Now, I am going to take this a bit further and use it as (ideally) 30 posts in 30 days.  I am hoping this will not only help you to get to know me but improve how much I know about myself.  Again, thanks LovingBDSM!  So, if you find this helpful, want to join the email list, purchase the workbook, or are just curious about all things kinky, go over and check them out, they are great people, doing great work.

So, the prompt for this first post is What Does Dominance Mean to You?

                For me, the first word that I immediately associate with Dominance is control, followed closely behind by protection.  To dominate someone else should require that the person doing the dominating have, at minimum, a realistic and honest drive to keep the other person safe.  And I mean safe from both physical and mental harm.  Dominance, IMHO, also requires an ongoing education.  Just because someone likes to take control, does NOT mean they should be trusted with it.

                In a relationship, I envision dominance in many different domains.  Sexual dominance can be as simple as being the person who initiates contact, with consent.  Financial dominance; it is not uncommon for one member of a couple to take control of balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, even being the primary income.  Professional dominance is something I envision as the cooperate tiger, who has their way in all matters business related.  Then there is parental dominance, this is the dominance and responsibility ALL parents should have with their children, including guidance, education, direction, understanding and supporting both financially and emotionally.

However, a Dominant in the D/s, sense has a much larger responsibility.  A “true” Dominant CAN be all the above, or just one or more.  A Dominant is the lucky recipient of the trust from a submissive that in every way, they will put the safety of what ever they are being given dominance of; whether that be orgasm control, discipline, or a myriad of other ‘things’ that a submissive has the ability to give up control.  A good Dominant, IMHO, will be a caregiver, gentle, understanding, offer leadership, take on the responsibility of both self-improvement and their submissive’s (and any others they care for) overall improvement.  They will also be humble, possess the ability to recognize their own deficiencies, and have the courage to look for ways to paths do decrease such deficiencies.  Above everything a Dominant must earn respect from their submissive.  Respect and trust are such critical and fragile things that they must be of the foremost importance.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s