When Sex Takes a Backseat to Relationship Troubles

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I grew up hearing the old saying “Don’t go to bed angry.” And somewhere between then and now, I gave up on the expectation that every problem can be resolved before your head hits the pillow.

Sex drops down the list of priorities when a relationship is in trouble

I can’t be the only one who does not feel the least bit sexy when frustrations in my relationship cause tension throughout the day. And when disagreement and stress lasts more than a day or two, sex is the furthest thing from my mind.

I still have desires and fantasies, don’t get me wrong. However, I can’t help but think that my partner, and definitely previous partners take having sex as a sign that everything is just fine. Am I wrong? So, I don’t engage in sex when there are issues outside the bedroom left unresolved.

I end up being the Bitch

Some people have called me a bitch, claiming I use sex as a way to control my partner, or get them to do what I want. And maybe that is true. BUT, I have a hard time compartmentalizing my sexual feelings and my other thoughts. So when the days are filled with negative energy, for whatever reason. I can’t just shut it off and get turned on, or at least I don’t want to.

Yes, I know, communication is the key to a long and happy relationship. I can here Kayla Lords saying it over and over again in my head. Communication should definitely be the cornerstone of any D/s relationship. But let’s face it, sometimes real life gets in the way of any type of kinky fun.

Time to put up or shut up

So I have come to a crossroads. The most recent issues seem to continue as unresolved. I am just not ready to move on and accept defeat and no reasonable compromise seems in site. I am not sure what this means for my relationship as a whole, but I do know that the power exchange that was part of our D/s will need some renegotiation.

Well thanks for listening to my tattered ramblings… and don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted.

Categories: My Complicated Life Tags: , ,

Sensitive Nipple


I have always had one nipple that is way more sensitive than the other, who knows why. Recently, the sensitivity was pushed to it’s limit.

Nipple clamps, suction cups, vibrations, manual torture and suckling of my large nipples have always been some of my favorite types of play. I have a tendency to coax my partner toward the right nipple, because the sensations are so much more intense. But for some reason, I never came right out and told anyone that it was more sensitive… until now.

Knowledge can be a good thing!

He walked past me and flicked my right nipple without a second thought. It immediately sent a jolt straight to my cunt. On a soft moan, I whispered, “if you only knew what that does to me.” He stopped in mid-step and pulled me close. “What do you mean?” he questioned. So I decided to confess that my right nipple was quite a bit more sensitive, like a direct link to my pussy, any attention usually makes me immediately wet.

“Well, we’ll have to see what we can do with that information,” he stated, with a slight smirk. The thoughts immediately flooding my brain, and I wondered what door I may have opened. We were surrounded by family and there was no way to question him further. I would have to settle for my own imagination for the rest of the day.

Let the Torture Begin

When we climbed between the sheets that night, I had plenty of expectations, but I could not have possibly prepared for what was about to happen.

Things started as they usually do, plenty of heavy kissing, stroking each others bodies with a familiarity that is both a blessing and curse. He knows most of my most erogenous zones, even the tiny places behind my knee, or the inside of my thigh.

What I didn’t expect was that he would avoid my right nipple completely! I tried to use the typical ploys to coax him to suckle my nipple, but he was coy and evaded my games. I was found out, and did not know where it would lead.

Instead he kissed, stroked and fondled every inch of my body except the one spot I had been anticipating all day. I just wanted him to bite down on that nipple as if it was his life’s mission, please, just one minute.

And the Sadist Appears

Every time I caught his eyes, I know there was a pleading in my own. He would give me an smirk and his eyes held a sparkle that only appeared on rare occasions. It finally dawned on me that the Sadist had appeared.

He continued to rage my body, finally plunging deep into my cunt. Bringing orgasm after orgasm. I was left spent. When the haze lifted from my brain, I mustered the strength to ask him why he avoided the one nipple that I had told him was so sensitive.

“Why would I do that?” was the only response I got. No matter how much I begged, all I got was that evil grin. That’ll teach me to keep secrets!!

This post is part of Masturbation Monday… for more yummy reads, just click below!

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There I am… return to submission and glorious subspace!


Tiny discreet messages sent throughout the day…

“I can’t wait to see you bare wet pussy.”

“My cock is getting hard thinking of tasting you”

“I want you… now… you are mine!”

As the air rushes in through open windows and the quiet blanket of night settles on the grass, he calls me to the bed. I slip on the bed as the memories of the earlier messages cause a familiar throb deep in my cunt. He has teased me all week, and I am already dripping in anticipation. As he reaches over and grabs the back of my neck I can’t help it as a deep and full moan escapes my lips. He has taken to his new role with renewed fervor lately.

Next, he kisses me, in that deep and possessive way that begs my toes to curl as I begin to melt in his arms. Guiding me through each kiss, he makes it clear that I am here for him, I am his.

“Yes, Sir”

“Suck my cock,” he demands, knowing that not only do I relish the assertion, but love the feeling of soft folds as they slowly become hard, erect, and engorged. “Yes Sir,” I whisper. Still unsure if this will be the right title for him, he smiles in pleasure as our gaze locks just as my lips land on his succulent cock.

Fresh out of the shower, my wet tendrils fall across my face as I take him in ever so slowly. Is there any better feeling in the world than a cock pulsing and growing between lips and tongue? Cupping his balls, I apply pressure to the perineum as he lets out a deep, long moan. I have only a moment to register the quiet outside and wonder how far that moan would travel before the member growing, pressing against the roof of my mouth brings me quickly back to the task at hand. I did not want to rush this. This busy week has kept us apart and I crave him at my very core.

The Feast

As if reading my mind, he gently flips me to my back, grabbing my hands to hold my spread legs, he gives me a devilish grin before diving between my thighs. Seemingly both thirsty and hungry as tongue and teeth volley for their turn as my dripping cunt. I fight to stay relaxed and just enjoy his feast, while my thighs tremble as my sensitive clit begs them to dance. Flexibility definitely has it’s advantages when you are a big gal! Throwing my head back, I sank deep into the cool sheets as I finally let all other thoughts go from my head, simply enjoying the moment.

I couldn’t tell you how long he tasted and drank from my ripe and ready pussy, nor would I care to know. We he had what he wanted, he moved up the bed and fed me his cock again… grabbing a vibrator from the side table, he coaxed my hand to hold it against my lips, insuring that there would be no decrease in sensitivity anytime soon. Rocking on his knees, he slowly fucked my mouth while one hand caressed and stroked from my shoulders to my knees and back again. Each caress sending me closer and closer.

Take what is yours…

“Come here so I can fuck your tight wet pussy, ” he stated, knowing that I was hot and ready, my clit vibrating and tender. As I climbed toward his side of the bed, he covered the head of his cock with our favorite lube, knowing that by using it he could dive in hard and have no worry of hurting me. He turned me around and his sounds of approval had me bend even lower as I aligned my wet cunt with his cock. As he grabbed my hips I braced myself for the initial delicious plunge. There is just no other sensation that is quite like that first deep dive.

Slow and gentle gave way to hard and pounding as he drilled my cunt with his rock hard cock. He grabbed handfuls of ass as he pushed and pulled, finding a steady, amazing rhythm. Trying to take quick breaths between each thrust and arch my back in such a way to decrease tomorrow’s inevitable ache, I wasn’t prepared for the first smack. I knew this time was different immediately, the sharpness and repetition I had been craving slammed into me one after another punctuated by each hard thrust. One side then the other, back and forth, followed by a rapid staccato.

I sunk deep into the mattress as I not only reached but flew past one climax, exploding through another, and another. My mind spinning, having only a brief moment to think, “oh yes, finally.” Dizzying sensations overtook my mind as the last thing I can completely remember is a punctuated smack with one hand as the other latched on and held me, his cock sunk deep into my cunt.

Back to reality… damn

It had been quite some time since I felt anything quite like it, as I waited patiently for my mind and body to come back into some kind of communication. For me, my mind always slams home first, but way before my mouth is able to work correctly. As the buzzing in my ears began to fall away he collapsed on the bed beside me and pulled me close to him. I tried to explain what I was feeling and words just wouldn’t come out. I just smiled and pressed my face into his chest and enjoyed the moment. There was something I had to do, but it had fallen away. I was exactly where I was supposed to be, and oh how I have missed me.

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Categories: Masturbation Monday Tags: , ,

When Kink is Hard

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You might think that with a title like that I’m referring to impact play or rough kinky sex. However, I mean just the opposite. I’ve come to realize that kink is not always an easy thing to do. Sure my mind is full of amazing fantasies, but the truth is, it is sometimes work. More work than it probably should be.

Sex in general in an ongoing relationship sometimes gets lost between work schedules, kids activities, and just being tired. It’s hard to feel sexy when you or your partner is in pain as well.

This last week my back has been causing me to be in a near constant state of pain. And, while I’m fully aware there are sexy, kinky things that we can do that do not exaggerate the pain. When I’m fighting pain, the farthest thing from my mind is kinky fuckery. Then, I end up fighting the inevitable guilt. I’m the one in our relationship with the higher sex drive typically, so for me to shy away from sexual activities, it is a definite sign that I’m hurting, probably more than I’m willing to admit.

So I end up pondering what I should do. I know the evil shoulda, coulda, or wouldas. But there is some sense to my madness, I think. If I’m not sexually available to my partner, my dominant, the man I love, we tend to stagnate. Sex is a habit, therefore not having sex, even if it’s for good reasons becomes a habit.

When I’m in pain, laying in bed is one of the worst things for my back. Add that to my tendency toward being a major night owl, it becomes very easy for me to stay up quite late instead of going to bed. And since his work schedule is crazy right now, that means he’s usually asleep by 11pm at the latest. For me, that might as well be mid-evening.

So what’s a gal to do? I flash back to awkward moments when I understood my parents were signaling each other for sex. Though to this day, my mother swears all those knee rubs didn’t end in sex. A time when sex was treated like a duty instead of a pleasure.

So I guess I’m just admitting that sex and kink are sometimes work. Thank goodness the payoff is usually worth it 😉

Sex Positive Parenting

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Everywhere you look online, you will find the phrase ‘sex positive’. What does this mean and how can a parent instill sex positive thinking in their children.

Sex positive is the ideology that sexuality is not taboo. Up until now, sexuality, gender, and even the act of having sex has been topics too racy to discuss in public. And most parents dread any conversation with their children about sexuality. It does not have to be a scary thing.

Before, parenting around sexual topics was limited to the ‘birds and the bees’ conversation and the ‘what now’ conversations with young girls when they begin their menses. Sex Positive parenting proposes that sexuality should be an ongoing and evolving conversation with children starting from a young age.

Toddler – Preschool Age

During these years, children learn about their own anatomy. Often they are exposed to the anatomy of another gender. These differences will not go unnoticed and often children will ask questions.

“Why does daddy pee standing up?” or “Where do babies come from?”

At this age it is not necessary to go into the long biological aspects of sexuality. What is important is to give simple answers. Research shows giving simple, correct information is best.

Some examples are:

  • Using the terms for anatomy, such as penis, vulva, or breasts.
  • Keep calm and do not assume questions mean anything other than simple curiosity.
  • Use simple explanations for differences in behavior. Do not overemphasize socially constructed differences between boys and girls.
  • Be prepared for repeated questions of the same topic. And the question, “Why?”

School Age (K-5)

As children enter school they will be surrounded by other children raised differently and exposed to streams of conflicting information. It is important as a parent to find a balance between learning from peers and feeling comfortable asking their parents for information. School age children will often hear terms which they are unfamiliar. Parents should use this time to give their children an accurate understanding of sexuality terms. Use online resources to aid in explain terms that are unfamiliar. Answer in a clear and excepting tone. Children of this age should not find shame in their curiosity. Parents should be their go to source of correct information.

Some examples of questions to expect at this age may include:

  • What is an erection? This should be answered with simple anatomy, the penis is often soft, yet at times it gets hard and stiff, this is called an erection. If the child has a penis, this may be an appropriate way to explain that often it is beyond their control, and that is OK.
  • What is a blow job? It may be proper to explain that this is referring to oral sex, this will depend on the age of the child and earlier education. Be simple and straight forward. This is also the perfect time to introduce the concept of consent.
  • Can two girls have sex? (or two boys) The simple answer to this question is that any two people can engage in consensual sex. Children will often try to visualize how this works if they have a good understanding of sexual anatomy. Be prepared to explain that sex is not always penetrative. The most important thing to remember is to instill an accepting, non-judgement tone with the child. They are impressionable and will take on the tone of this conversation.

Preteen – Middle School Age

This age is perhaps the age of most input from peers. School buses, playgrounds, and lunchrooms are filled with children sharing information. Due to the hormonal changes that occur during this time, sexuality and gender are common topics. Comparisons with other children can cause anxiety and confusion at this age.

It is important to explain that individuals mature at different rates. The young girl who left fourth grade may return to fifth grade with breasts. The boy who had the high-pitched voice at the beginning of the year may grow 6 inches and have a deep voice by winter break. Young teens often need to be constantly reassured that no matter where they are in their development, they are normal. Children this age will often begin to question their sexuality in comparison with media and other relationships that they are exposed. They are trying to figure out who they are in reference to the world around them. Instituting an open-door, all questions are welcome stance will help parents to have an integral role with their children.

Parents should reflect on feelings and experiences they had at this age. Sharing these stories with children will help them to not feel alone in their confusion or curiosity.

Understanding consent is paramount at this age. Enthusiastic consent provides children with the power to protect themselves and others. Consequences of nonconsensual behavior should be discussed at this age. As well as consequences of behavior, such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Children this age should learn the differences between biological sex, sexuality, and gender. Here is a simple explanation of these terms:

  • Biological sex – the biology with which an individual is assigned at birth.
  • Sexuality – the preference of whom someone is sexuality attracted; homosexual is someone attracted to individuals of the same gender, heterosexual is someone attracted to individuals of the opposite gender, and pan sexual is someone whose attraction is not based on biological sex or gender, sometimes called attracted to head and heart
  • Gender – the performativity of ones sexuality. Gender identities can range anywhere on the spectrum from masculine to feminine or none at all. Cisgender is someone who identifies as their sexuality they were assigned at birth, often based on biology. Transgender is someone who identifies as something different from the sexuality they were assigned at birth.

Teen – Young Adult

Teens and young adults are often still trying to figure out their sexual and gender identities. As parents, it is important to be supportive of what choice teens and young adult make as long as they are being safe and conforming to standards of consent. During these years children will undergo many changes. Sexuality and gender are often fluid at this stage and may continue to change. Being an ever present positive support is the most important stance. Children who feel support from their parents, regardless of the sexual orientation or gender identity, tend to have better mental health and fewer issues as they enter into adulthood.

Keep it Simple and Ongoing

Ongoing communication is keep is key. Sex Positive parenting is simply being consistent and present for children. It is OK no to have all the answers right away. It is a process.

Not your teacher’s Apple


Years ago when I discovered kink and BDSM, a friend suggested that I chose a safeword. One that would be completely unrelated to anything sexual, but one that I would be sure to remember. This was well before the online kink community that exists now and while I was able to do a little research, there were really no suggestions for Safewords, just the same advice my friend had offered. One I could remember…. until I couldn’t remember it.

I have always been more than willing to push sexual boundaries. I used to ignorantly say that I would try anything once (never say that to a sadistic Dominant BTW). However in trying to push my personal limits I found my own masochistic side. The conundrum, when I push those boundaries I tend to skyrocket into subspace. Subspace is that magical existence when you feel like you are floating between fantasy and reality. And let me tell you apples are the furthest thing from your mind. So there I was floating on endorphins induced by erotic asphyxiation when I begin to feel myself go. There is a subtle moment just before passing out of immense clarity for me, but the problem is I am unable to speak. So fuck the apples.

It was obvious there was a communication breakdown. That Dominant had significantly more experience than I, but it did not stop me from overreacting thanks to my over-analytical anxious brain. I pulled away from pushing those boundaries for a long time, mostly out of fear. That play partner and I quickly grew distant.

When I decided to venture back into D/s, I knew I needed to have a better system of communication. Furthermore, as someone who enjoys breath play I knew verbal communication would not always work. Enter the hackey sack. For those that do not know what they are, a hackey sack is a small knitted ball loosely filled with rice or tiny beads used in a weird kicking game similar to how a single person will kick up a soccer ball repeatedly.

Anyhow, the plan was for me to hold onto the hackey sack. If it fell from my hand, or I dropped it intentionally, all play stopped. After a few trial runs (prior to approaching a hard limit) the hackey sack seemed to work. BUT, in situations where I still had my voice, I still had no need for fucking apples. What now? I went through a few other suggestions of people I knew before I stubbled on the light system. Green light, yellow light, and red light; the common street light signals that most people are familiar with. And red being the universal sign for STOP made complete sense. Why did it take so long to occur to me? I have no idea. I was young and more than a little kink sheltered.

In my current dynamic we have discussed the light system, though I have yet to have any need to use even yellow. And my submissive heart craves the day that he gets the courage to whisper, “Give me a color.”

This post has been included as part of the following meme, for more Tell Me About Dominance and Submission posts, just click below.

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Good Morning


He was snoring softly, the sun was barely peaking through the blinds across his bare chest. His smelled circled around her as she leaned in to drown in his scent. She propped herself up as she contemplated whether she should wake him or leave him to rest. He works so much these days, the rare day off and ability to sleep in a cherished blessing. But she had had some great dreams and was wet just thinking about what the soft sheet is hiding from her.

There was no doubt that he would let her play, they have talked about this on numerous occasions, having both agreed that consent was understood in the wee hours of the morning. But, would his exhaustion override the primal urges. She argued with herself for what seemed like forever before she decided she would test the waters and see where it leads.

She slowly slipped her hand beneath the sheet, careful not to touch him quite yet. As she got closer, she froze as he shifted beneath her, she was not quite ready for him to awaken. She had a plan.

As she neared his cock, she slowly teased the soft skin with her nails; coaxing a small moan from him and a quick glance revealed the smile on his luscious lips. She reached her destination and grasped his soft flesh. It wasn’t too often that she was able to enjoy the supple skin. She loved that he was very responsive. There is just something about a natural cock that fascinates and pulls at her.

She cupped his balls. Softly and gently placing one finger against the perineum, making a gentle circle. Another soft moan escaped him as he gently shifted toward her. Even drawn to her as he lay sleeping, she could not help but be pleased. She grasped his shaft, working ever so slowly from the base to tip, sliding her hand in a lazy rhythm. She was focused on the sensations that arose. With each stroke, his glorious cock, her cock began to lengthen and harden. A slight pulsing beneath her finger tips showed that he would cum quickly if she was careful not to wake him too much.

She smiled at the thought of having the ability to please him, completely surrendering to the sensations, she could not help the growing warmth between her own thighs. She carefully shifted her weight so that she could reach her clit with her free hand. Fumbling just a little, not used to using her non-dominant hand on herself, she soon found a comfortable rhythm between the small circles of her fingers on her clit and the hand grasped tightly on his shaft. Up and down, round and round, she allowed a soft moan to escape her lips.

She absently wondered what she would do if he were to wake and find her in this position. Batting the thought away, she quickened her own pace. Orgasm was so close. She tightened her grip on his now fully erect cock and increased the strokes and circles. Mesmerized by the sensations, she had to force herself to focus on his cock or would fall prey to her own pleasure.

Before long she could feel the familiar throbbing up and down his shaft that signals her he is not far from cumming. She has only a moment to register the small rocking of his hips before she feels the warmth start to spread quickly from her clit. She pauses only long enough to throw the sheet back, she wanted to see, she wanted to see his cum shoot from him.

Seconds later she is rewarded with a beautiful shot, that quickly pours down over her fingers and his shaft. She is right behind him as she uncontrollably tightens her thighs against her hand. Losing the battle between control and complete abandon, she writhes against her hand, coaxing every last drop from his cock. She pulls her hand away and slowly licks the drops from her fingers as she glances up to find him, smiling widely at her. “Well, Good Morning to you too.”

Everyday should start as such.

This post is part of Masturbation Monday, to check out some other juicy posts click below.

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