Exploring Kinks Together

No Comments

Day 29 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

My Dominant is new to BDSM, D/s, and really Kink as a whole.  So, there is a whole world of kink to explore together.  The problem is, where to start?

Well for us the simplest way to start was with a limit list.  Over the years I have compiled an extensive (though surely still incomplete) list of kinks.  You can get your copy of the list here.  I sent this to my partner, and we started going through the list, discussing the things that intrigued us both, and pointed out to each other the items that were absolute nos (hard limits).  We picked out a handful of things that we were really excited about. 

In some cases, research and education has been necessary.  Having been more exposed to kinks myself, some of this I have been able to explain or demonstrate some things.  Honestly that provides it’s own fun.  However, there are things that we have discovered we both are drawn to that we have no knowledge of, and only need to know where to find the knowledge.  It is times like these that I am so thankful for the online kink community. 

As mentioned in previous posts, we live in what is often referred to as a kink desert.  For example, rope bondage is something I find sexy, fascinating, and would love to know more about.  I know many dungeons offer classes, however, to my knowledge the closest dungeon to us is almost 3 hours away, and apparently a tight knit community.  In a perfect world, money and distance would not be an issue and we could access the education locally.  Don’t we all wish that were true?  For now, we are resolved to finding resources online.  I am actively trying to make reputable connections with other kinksters, building connections is, in my opinion, the best way to learn about other resources. 

Exploring kinks together is perhaps my favorite aspect of D/s.  Learning the things that turn each other on, and how to implement them into our kinky play is so much fun.

So, as always, I am curious… Is there a kink that you are specifically interested in?  How have you learned to implement it into your D/s or kinky relationship?  Do you know of any resources that help people learn about kinks?

Always curious – raxleanne

P.S.  As my 30 days of D/s exploration comes to a close I am on the lookout for more topics that my readers may be interested in.  If you have any suggestions for topics, or just something specific you want to know more about, feel free to send me an email raxleanne@gmail.com or follow me on Twitter/Instagram @raxleanne I’d love to hear from you.

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Being D/s and a Parent

No Comments

Day 28 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

As I write this, I have 2 children in my home.  I think I am in a unique situation regarding sexuality topics because all my kids know my future professional plans.  I am currently in grad school for counseling psychology, my undergrad was focused on human sexuality and women and gender sexuality studies.  In short, I plan to be a Sex Therapist. 

Therefore, when it comes to talking about sexuality in our home, it is something my children have grown up with.  They have always known they could ask me any question and they are going to get a straight answer, sometimes more than they bargained for lol.  When my oldest (now 19 and not at home) was 9, she came in from the school bus and asked, innocently, what a blow job was.  I proceeded to tell her exactly what it was, and of course asked where she had heard it, etc.  The funny part was that the entire conversation took place right in from of her 75-year-old grandfather, and he was shocked.  Although, I am still not sure what surprised him more, the fact she asked or that I very simply answered her honestly.   

So, when my partner and I decided to integrate D/s into our relationship, not much has changed.  When there are children in the home, I always must be careful to be quiet when there is kinky fuckery going on.  I can get quite loud 😉.  However, there have been non-sexual conversations that have occurred around the children, especially my almost 15-year-old.  I understand that many may disagree with my openness and honesty with my children.  However, it is important to me to raise sex-positive children that bare no shame in their sexuality, wants and desires. 

As a bonus, my 15-year-old is a techy, she is the one to whom I ask website questions.  She is attempting to help me learn the lingo.  She has not read any of my posts, and at this point does not want to, but she often knows the topic or title of a post and has worked in my dashboard. 

So, as far as the day to day, being a parent and being D/s do not really collide.  Being honest about who I am, and why I feel what I do is too important to me to keep from my children, as it is appropriate for them to learn and understand. 

As always – thanks for stopping by and you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram @raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s
Categories: 30 days of discovery Tags: ,

D/s Tasks and Rituals

No Comments

Day 27 of 30 days of exploration through D/s

I find myself both excited and nervous when out comes to tasks and rituals. Perhaps due to being overwhelmed with strict expectations in a previous D/s relationship that ended abruptly (see the post here). But as a new Dominant, my partner has yet to fully embrace the idea, so I’m not sure where things will lead.

So as a sort of compromise we’ve landed on permissions, and very few expectations. Let me explain… Recently, I rearranged our bedroom, moved everything, organized the clutter, and made sure every bit of laundry was folded or hung and put away. Now I’m the first to admit, I’m no Suzy homemaker! I just don’t feel the need to have everything spotless, though for the most part everything is clean, life just takes over sometimes. Part of the new look for the bedroom included a gorgeous new purple bedspread, so I took it upon myself to make sure that every day since the bed is made and looks pretty when I first wake up. Though this was not asked of me, he noticed, and expressed appreciation for it. Almost a “good girl.”

However, yesterday I did not make the bed. My D, wouldn’t know this until well into the evening, but I found myself having a bad day. I just felt off and couldn’t put my finger on it. Small things bugged me and I had a strange feeling something just was not right. Later in the afternoon I had to go through my bedroom after something and it hit me… the bed was unmade. I could have just been smacked in the face; all the feelings were there, I felt like I had really let myself and him down. Now, I know in the big scheme, this is tiny, insignificant, but because it was a small task that I enjoyed doing for him and he appreciated, it seemed big when left undone. I suddenly realized why I had felt just a bit off. I had broken the pattern that had formed over recent weeks for the first time.

When he made his way to the bedroom later, I apologized for not having completed the task, and got his gentle “it’s ok babe.” But I do not think he realizes how important it was for me to do that for him. So in this case, though there was no punishment, the guilt caused other chaos. Though when we have our house back (visitors), I hope to discuss it with him.

As far as permissions go, they really are a way for me to make sure I’m not doing something that he does not want or desire. One example is masturbation. I have free rein to masturbate when he is not with me. That has actually been part of our understanding even before attempting D/s. However, recently I have found times at night, when he’s already asleep, that I have considered it. Of course having a new toy probably helps… lol. So I mustered the nerve to ask permission. That is the hardest thing to do! I swear, I have a hundred scripted conversations in my own head every time I need to ask him the simplest question. And most of the time it ends up being a simple yes. Well this time, it was even better. Not only did he give permission, but he was turned on by the idea! Woohoo! That always makes my submissive heart dance.

So, while tasks and rituals are not officially part of our D/s, we’re working on it. After all, isn’t half the fun in the journey??

Don’t forget to check out the rest of my blog and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here. If you would like to join in, check them out. If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

24/7 Ds… Can I??

No Comments

Day 26 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

When I think about D/s, I tend to think of sexual submission; being completely controlled during sexual play is a major turn on.  However, when I consider the idea of going 24/7, I am conflicted.  There are plenty of positive things that a 24/7 dynamic offers; security is perhaps the biggest benefit.  When you are in a 24/7 D/s dynamic, there is no time to wonder how your D/s relationship is doing, because you (hopefully) are reminded on a regular basis.  I envision a 24/7 dynamic as a bunch of set protocols that reinforce the limits and rules. 

I know my personal control issues keep me from trusting anyone enough to give over complete control in every aspect of my life. However, I have a deep respect for people that can, on both sides of the slash, give control over or take on that responsibility.  Further, I wonder if I have the patience to move at someone else’s pace.  Do not get me wrong, I understand that consent must always be freely given and can be revoked at any time.  However, that is perhaps the biggest reason I am leery of 24/7 D/s, I do not want to be the type of person that changes their mind often.  Waffling back and forth is a pet peeve of mine.

In short, right now in my life 24/7 is not the right fit. Perhaps in the months and years to come my Dom and I can consider something closer to 24/7, just not yet ;).

So, I would love to hear how others have made the journey.  Are you in a 24/7 dynamic?  Did you jump all in, or were there steps that got you there?  Or maybe you are like me, and think it just does not fit you at this point?

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Don’t forget to check out the rest of my blog and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s
Categories: 30 days of discovery Tags: , ,

Making a Delightful Mess

4 Comments

She enjoys reading sexy stories online late at night. It helps her fantasies and she finds herself dreaming of her Master doing some of the things she reads about. Sitting in her satin and lace babydoll nightgown she combs through post after post of her favorite blogs. She lands on one in particular that catches not only her attention, but causes her lips to moisten.

She listens closely, to reassure herself that the house is quiet. As she leans back in her office chair and finds a foot hold, she has a moment to realize that she is fully exposed to the office door as it stands open. A whisper of a moan escapes her as she wishes he would just appear in the open doorway. Would he be pleased? As she reads the words on the page, scrolling now with her left fingers she lazily circles her clit; taking the time to enjoy the small sensations. As the story engages her imagination middle finger slides slowly in between her wet lips. She cannot contain the soft moan that closes her eyes and raises her body temperature. This story had everything, foreplay, anticipation, and just when she was at the point where she could not imagine any more build up, the characters screamed out in joint pleasure. She worked her fingers in and around her clit and pussy, taking a moment here and there to taste her creamy sweetness. She laid back further in the chair as she felt the pulses start to race through her body. And just as she was about to cum, she glanced toward the door to find him leaning against the door jam. With a look of immense pleasure on his face he whispered, “MMM, what a wonderful sight.”

Her wish coming true was the extra push she needed. The electric impulses flooded her body, she pushed with her hand as her body convulsed… then the flood. She had squirted before, but never this much, it just kept coming, soaking the chair and then on to the floor below. She tried to keep her eyes focused on his, but they blurred. Finally the flow subsided and she relaxed her hand and sunk into the chair.

You have made a delightful mess, My Dear.” She smiles and blushes wondering how she must look.

Dreams do come true!

Masturbation Monday
Categories: Masturbation Monday

When a D/s Relationship Ends

No Comments

Day 25 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

D/s relationships can help each person be their authentic selves.  In many D/s relationships, the main purpose is to push our personal limits and find out what we can handle.  However, when one of these relationships comes to an end it can bring you to your knees.  This is one of my experiences…

My story

I had been in this relationship for 8 months, we were in contact nearly every day and I was frantically planning for the next visit to celebrate my birthday.  Long distance D/s has unique difficulties, but if both parties are invested, it can feel just as real as an in-person relationship.  I had daily protocols in place that included messages before and after activities, pictures of specific results.  Additionally, I was expected to email every morning my plans for the day, and every night I sent an email detailing what I was able to accomplish that day.  This was all in addition to spending a good amount of time on Yahoo messenger, in contact throughout most of the day.

He worked in a job that would occasionally cause him to be out of contact for a day or two, and even on those days I would usually get a quick email telling me all was well and that he would call or message soon.  Having been previously married to a truck driver, I knew that the real world sometimes caused situations where contact was not an easy thing.  As my birthday grew closer, I was looking at plane tickets and hotel reservations.  A couple days went by with no contact.  I was concerned but it did not completely freak me out until a week had gone by and I was having to pay the money for the trip.  After trying the phone, video chat, messenger to no avail, I sent a frantic email. 

Thinking the Worst

We had not set up any other people to contact in the case that something happened to one of us, so there was no one I could call.  My anxious mind went to all the horrific things that could have gone wrong.  He worked in a sometimes quite dangerous job.  I started combing the newspaper looking for the slightest mention of his company; even started looking through the obits.  I was completely undone.

After 13 days I got a simple email; “I am fine, just can’t do this anymore, wish you the best”.  My heart sank, I collapsed on the floor.  Caught somewhere between fear and anger, I immediately started analyzing what I could have possibly done wrong.  I spent the next weeks going through every email, every message, there was no hint.  As a result, I sank into a deep depression.  I had intertwined this man into man into nearly all aspects of my life.  What was I going to do?

Now, I know that many relationships do not end so abruptly and with no explanation.  However, what I want to make sure people know is that you can survive it.  That relationship ended 6 years ago and though the road after was hard and caused me to take a long look at myself, I came out on the better end in the long run.

The last contact…

Just FYI – I have only gotten one email from him since, about 2 years ago.  With a picture that I had sent him, and an “I was thinking about you and the time we spent together, hope all is well.”  That message nearly caused me to slide right back.  But my boyfriend, now Dom, was there to catch me, I had shared the entire experience with him, and I was so glad I did.  I do not think of him often, but when I do, I am just reminded that I survived it.

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Don’t forget to check out the rest of my blog and follow me on Twitter @raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s
Categories: 30 days of discovery Tags: , ,

When Drop is Ignored

No Comments

Day 24 of 30 days of exploration through D/s

Today’s topic is Drop, SubDrop and DomDrop… basically that inevitable down swing of hormones and emotions that can occur after an intense scene or kinky play. Drop is one of those things in D/s that should be discussed as part of any scene negotiation or relationship communication. Because Drop cannot necessarily be avoided it is important to understand what can happen and how to handle it when it does.

The Ideal

In a perfect world Drop would occur during that window of time that aftercare is offered. In this scenario, the partner would have all the physical and emotional support they may need as they ‘come down’. In the most basic of situations, water (or Gatorade), light food, and sometimes a favorite blanket or something to cuddle with is all someone may need during this time. Really they just need to know they are not alone. And after intense scenes or play it may be a good idea to check in with each other over the next 24-48 hours or so.

The Danger Zone

Conversely, there are times that the worst can happen. Triggers during a scene can cause a severe case of Drop followed by equally severe emotional turmoil. In my case, I unknowing did not negotiate any aftercare. I attended a party, took part in an intense scene, where towards the end I became extremely triggered when my partner placed my in real police issued handcuffs. He did the right thing and all play stopped when my reaction turned into panic. However, there was no one there (slow night, more of a play party than proper dungeon) that knew how to handle such an intense Drop and emotional situation. As far as I can remember, I was placed in a car, dropped off at home, alone, and not checked in on… at all. I lucked out, my roommate came home a few hours later and knew me well enough to take care of me. To say I went through an emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. I’m fine now, so no worries, but I did learn a ton from that night.

Now What…

Muy advice to anyone looking to negotiate a scene with a new partner or even existing relationship, discuss the details of aftercare, what you expect of each other, what you can offer, what you may need, and finally what’d to do if something goes wrong.

Shoutout

The post is part of an ongoing series found on LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here. if you would like to join in, check them out. If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Categories: Uncategorized

Kink with a Full House

No Comments

Day 23 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

The original topic for today was supposed to be Drop. However, after what’s been going on the last couple of days, that’ll have to be another day… but I think this is still part of understanding our new D/s dynamic. 

For the first time in quite some time, we have a house full.  And I do mean full.  My mother, my two daughters, my son-in-law (almost), two grandchildren – and of course me and my D.  So tonight, every available bed-like surface will be utilized, and I am starting to feel a little claustrophobic.    Yesterday we worked hard on some of our remodel mess and went to bed quite early.  Kinky fuckery was the farthest thing from my mind when I my head hit the pillow. 

Since taking our relationship toward D/s, we try to connect in some way every day.  Sometimes it is solely sexual, other times it is gestures, even glances.  We have not implemented any specific protocols; mostly because we have not found any that fit us. 

Sneaking in some Kink

My D had to work today, which as usual means he is up and out of the house by 6am, and I am usually still asleep (not a morning person here).  Not this morning though!  For whatever reason, when he woke around 5am, it stirred me… in all kinds of ways.  It was a combination of his smell, the lack of contact the night before and … probably just my nature.  I snuggled into him, suckled my way down to his cock and tasted what I had desperately missed.  Hearing his hushed moans pleased that side of me that wants to give him all the pleasure I can.  When he reached to grab my ass, I was undone, he has learned recently that I love it when he plays with my ass.  It wasn’t too long before he threw me over on my back and took my wet pussy with his rock-hard cock.  He took all he wanted until on his signal we both climaxed together.  It was so hard to stifle that scream of pleasure. 

It was short, anything but sweet, but what we both really needed.  And … he went to work smelling like our union, which is such an amazing turn on.

The Result…

I was able to fall into a deep relaxed sleep having connected, having offered myself, pleasing my D is the best way to relax.  Messages throughout the day reminded me of our power exchange and how into it he is.

Making me – a very happy submissive 😉

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The post is part of an ongoing series found on LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s
Categories: 30 days of discovery Tags: , ,

Allusive Subspace

No Comments

Day 22 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Subspace is one of those things associated with D/s, specifically the submissive side, although some claim similar headspace can be achieved by dominants, that can be a great benefit, but unfortunately is not always a guarantee.  Subspace can be most easily explained by the rush of hormones that lead to a feeling of being faint, flying, or buzzed.  Some have likened subspace to alcohol intoxication, due to the buzzed or foggy mind feeling, as well as the drop, or hangover that can occur. 

I, unfortunately, have little experience with Subspace.  I think, in part due to my over-analytical nature, have only reached Subspace one time that I can remember.  Consequently, I found myself chasing Subspace, consenting to more and more intense play, trying to achieve that feeling.  As someone who has addictive personality traits, I am now more aware of the negative consequences of the chase and no longer try.

Perhaps my biggest lesson of submission has been that I must learn what really giving up control is, there is a marked difference between the words and the actions.  This time around, I am committed to giving my submission my full focus.  Only time will tell how it works out.

Have you been to Subspace? What did you learn?

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Subfrenzy

No Comments

Day 21 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Subfrenzy- is that state of mind during a new D/s relationship when the idea of submission is overwhelmingly excited.  When a submissive wants to do ‘all of the things’, submit to every conceivable request of their dominant and give up the most control.  There are dangers inherent to subfrenzy as well.  For example, a submissive in subfrenzy may grant consent to their dominant for areas that, when they are in their normal way of thinking, they may disagree with or regret.

When subfrenzy hits home

My first experience with subfrenzy was comical when I look back on it now.  I see the desperate submissive doing everything possible to please my dominant without any thought to my own desires, limitations, and best interests.  One example of this was my dominants desire to have me kneel for long periods of time.  Many submissives kneel as part of their submission, so of course I jumped into the idea.  However, I have extremely bad joints and multiple compression fractures in my back.  The act of kneeling as part of my submission decreased my already weakened circulation to my distal joints and caused problems in one of my ankles that led to surgery.  I failed to consider the effect of the kneeling on my physical health because I just wanted to serve my dominant.

However, I am not immune to subfrenzy now, as my relationship moves into D/s, I find my excitement sometimes gets the best of me and I want things, or to offer things that can be hazardous.  My Dominant and I have agreed that any new protocols will have a delay, giving us both time to consider if there are any modifications that need to be made.  So far, there have not been any issues, and it is my hope by delaying, logistics will be apparent and keep us both safe.

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s