Let’s Talk about Limits

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Day 9 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Limits are a big subject in any BDSM or alternative sexual relationship.  Limit lists are a common way for play partners and people in relationships to communicate.  These lists provide ways to talk about what experiences they may have had in the past, things that they are interested in, sometimes called soft limits, and perhaps most important to many partnerships, hard limits.  Hard limits are those things that for some reason (and often very personal) one person considers off limits.  Limits can and often do change, especially as a relationship develops over time.  Many things that I considered hard limits when I first began to understand BDSM, I enjoy now.  One example of this is asphyxiation.  Asphyxiation is one of those things that scared me beyond explanation when I first learned of it.  However, over time and as trust in my partners grew, it was something that I became curious about, later, became something of immense joy to me. 

I would suggest using a limit list like a checklist.

  • Go through the list, marking anything you have experience with and enjoy with a mark
  • Mark the things that you are curious about, or have some experience but may still need to learn more
  • Mark the things you know little or nothing about, but are no completely out of question, these are often referred to soft limits.  Sometimes these things become part of play; other times they can become hard limits as tolerance and experience is expanded.
  • Finally, boldly mark the things that are an absolute – No Way

I have compiled a pretty inclusive limit list that can be download here. This list likely does not include everything there is to try, but it can be a great place to start

I also suggest revisiting your lists as your relationship progresses.  Keeping your list up to date on what you have experience and curiosities can be a great way to decide what areas to explore.  This also serves as a tool for negotiations.  I know I cannot be the only submissive to give into something I may not absolutely love in exchange for something I really enjoy that may not get my partner super-hot. 

I have no problems answering questions about limits, but a person’s limits are very personal, so while I will not share mine, I will try to get a limit list uploaded soon that you can use with your partner.

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

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