On Day 6 of 30 days of D/s, the topic is Conflicts.
This is a difficult area for me personally, as I am a person who can handle other people’s difficulties and conflicts, but when it comes to my own… not so much. I grew up in a difficult family, my father was an abusive alcoholic, so we spent most of our time walking on egg shells to avoid the next blow up. Jump forward, I had a couple of previous relationships, where screaming matches seemed to be the only way to communicate.
Today, my biggest struggle is voicing my concerns, discontent, or any unhappiness. In short, I hate to fight or disagree with my partner, and find it easier (at the time) to just not say anything. (I know, how shockingly submissive of me!) I’m sure it is not hard to guess that not saying anything does not work either.
So… I draw on the foundation of D/s as I know it, which is communication, sometimes even over-communication. Before we decided we would slowly add D/s to our current relationship, we talked, and talked, and talked some more about the smallest things that were going on. I often resort to writing letters or long texts, simply so my emotions will not take over and I can make sure to get my points across. He is then able to contemplate my meaning without becoming defensive. So far, it has worked for us. We talk every day, gauge where we are and where we need or want to be and figure out how to get there.
What ways do you and your partner(s) deal with conflict?
Again, I want to give a shout out to LovingBDSM for providing the prompts. Go check them out!!