Subfrenzy

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Day 21 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Subfrenzy- is that state of mind during a new D/s relationship when the idea of submission is overwhelmingly excited.  When a submissive wants to do ‘all of the things’, submit to every conceivable request of their dominant and give up the most control.  There are dangers inherent to subfrenzy as well.  For example, a submissive in subfrenzy may grant consent to their dominant for areas that, when they are in their normal way of thinking, they may disagree with or regret.

When subfrenzy hits home

My first experience with subfrenzy was comical when I look back on it now.  I see the desperate submissive doing everything possible to please my dominant without any thought to my own desires, limitations, and best interests.  One example of this was my dominants desire to have me kneel for long periods of time.  Many submissives kneel as part of their submission, so of course I jumped into the idea.  However, I have extremely bad joints and multiple compression fractures in my back.  The act of kneeling as part of my submission decreased my already weakened circulation to my distal joints and caused problems in one of my ankles that led to surgery.  I failed to consider the effect of the kneeling on my physical health because I just wanted to serve my dominant.

However, I am not immune to subfrenzy now, as my relationship moves into D/s, I find my excitement sometimes gets the best of me and I want things, or to offer things that can be hazardous.  My Dominant and I have agreed that any new protocols will have a delay, giving us both time to consider if there are any modifications that need to be made.  So far, there have not been any issues, and it is my hope by delaying, logistics will be apparent and keep us both safe.

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Shoutout

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Consent: The only thing we truly own!

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Day 11 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Consent, a big scary word to people who do not understand the bottom line.  There are many times in our lives that we assume that another human being has given us their consent.  Whether it be expressing our personal opinions on their behavior (common in today’s world) or taking silence as an understood consent.  Consent in D/s is a bit deeper, and significantly more important.  A newer phrase regarding sexual activity is enthusiastic consent.  And while I completely agree with the concept of enthusiastic consent, I still struggle to imagine my younger self using it, especially in times when I was unaware of how or what was going to happen.  In theory, it is a great idea.  If the person you are with unequivocally states “Yes, I want to proceed” there is little room for misunderstanding. 

Complications

The problems with consent arise when there are other types of consent, for example non-verbal.  If you are in the middle kissing someone and move your hand along their skin, if they show no signs of protest, is that consent?  This is where consent gets a little fuzzy.  The ideal would say, do not do anything without undeniable affirmation that you have the other’s permission to continue.  But there are plenty of times that we assume consent has been given. 

In a long-term relationship, there is likely few instances where verbal consent is expressed.  For example, A couple who has been married for five years will have methods of showing affection to one another that strangers would (or should) never use without consent.  My uncle routinely rubs his bowl on his wife’s breast before using it.  If a stranger did that to me, umm… can you say assault??  But it has become second nature to them, especially after being married over fifty years… yes, they are adorable.

Sexual interactions between adults with all their mental capacities will likely involve some level of consent.  Even in situations known as consensual non-consent; consent still exists and has hopefully been well negotiated.  Consensual non-consent refers to things like rape fantasy or even as simple as primal sex where part of the playing involves continuing even if someone says no.  These are situations that require the use of Safewords.  For specific info on Safewords go here. 

Informed Consent

Informed Consent is a regular thing in medical or mental health treatment, but it simply means that whomever is giving consent has been apprised of all the potential risk that may be involved.  In D/s this can be implemented by negotiation of what is expected and some added discussion of what happens when things do not turn out as expected. 

My take…

For me, I believe intent goes a long way in consent.  Accidents happen, in D/s triggers, for example, can come out of seemingly anywhere.  As a submissive it is my responsibility to be aware of potential triggers if I can and warn my partner(s).  But what happens when something is trigger that I do not expect, that is where intent comes in; I had given my consent to the play, my partner will have given his consent to play as well as being as aware as possible of potential triggers, but something still goes wonky.  In this situation, consent should be temporarily withdrawn by use of Safewords.  But that does not mean that the partner did anything wrong.

I could go on forever about specific instances involving consent.  The bottom line is that you need to know that your partner is willingly involved in what ever activity is going on.

WHEN IN DOUBT, TALK IT OUT!

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne