What Titles and Labels Do You Prefer?

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Titles are one of those things in D/s, or even BDSM, that can be either/both positive and negative.  Generally, I have a strong disdain for labels of any type.  Titles and labels give others a way of fitting someone into a preconceived mold of how they think they should appear, behave, or even what people they should then be partnered with.  If I was forced to pick one title to express myself at this point in my life, the simplest is submissive.  However, I also have switch behaviors, most typically I would be classified as a bottom, and I also have a few babygirl tendencies that will crop up from time to time.  I am a masochist, though some may consider me masochist-lite due to my preference against some of the more severe aspects of impact play.  In the past, I did embrace the titles pet, baby, and little, though they just do not fit me these days.

Titles/labels for my partners have changed over the years as well.  My first recognizable D/s (refer to Where it all began… for earlier experiences) was simple.  It was his desire that he be called Sir, and I obliged, however, my title was usually woman.  He took on the more domineering role that many associate with dominance, thanks to porn and media.  Another relationship was mostly long distance, from the beginning he wanted me to call him Master, but never really gave me a title, he was focused on my use of ‘yes, Master’ or ‘what ever you wish, Master’.  Looking back now, I can see how I was subjugated, and not completely honored. 

Fast forward to my current relationship, we have not really discussed labels or titles.  In the most D/s moments, he will use terms like ‘mine’, and it just makes me melt.  I have concluded that titles and labels may help to explain to someone a side of my personality, so that is really the only time I use them beyond sub/submissive, and Dom/Dominant for my partner.

What titles/labels do you/have you used?  Are there ones that you dislike or stay away from?

Admittedly, I was leery of the title Daddy, until recently.  Though it is still not one I could see myself using, I have a better understanding of the Daddy/Caregiver personality.  Thanks mostly to John Brownstone and Kayla Lords over at LovingBDSM.  They have taught me how different a Daddy Dom can be to my own preconceived notions in the past.  Also, they are who to thing for this topic… help me give them a thumbs up by checking them out!!

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

What Does Dominance Mean to You?

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Ok, first things first, I must give a shout out to Kayla Lords and John Brownstone over at LovingBDSM for providing a wonderful workbook/ email opt-in to work with.   After subscribing to the email list, I later purchased the digital workbook to use to increase communication with my (new to D/s) partner.  Now, I am going to take this a bit further and use it as (ideally) 30 posts in 30 days.  I am hoping this will not only help you to get to know me but improve how much I know about myself.  Again, thanks LovingBDSM!  So, if you find this helpful, want to join the email list, purchase the workbook, or are just curious about all things kinky, go over and check them out, they are great people, doing great work.

So, the prompt for this first post is What Does Dominance Mean to You?

                For me, the first word that I immediately associate with Dominance is control, followed closely behind by protection.  To dominate someone else should require that the person doing the dominating have, at minimum, a realistic and honest drive to keep the other person safe.  And I mean safe from both physical and mental harm.  Dominance, IMHO, also requires an ongoing education.  Just because someone likes to take control, does NOT mean they should be trusted with it.

                In a relationship, I envision dominance in many different domains.  Sexual dominance can be as simple as being the person who initiates contact, with consent.  Financial dominance; it is not uncommon for one member of a couple to take control of balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, even being the primary income.  Professional dominance is something I envision as the cooperate tiger, who has their way in all matters business related.  Then there is parental dominance, this is the dominance and responsibility ALL parents should have with their children, including guidance, education, direction, understanding and supporting both financially and emotionally.

However, a Dominant in the D/s, sense has a much larger responsibility.  A “true” Dominant CAN be all the above, or just one or more.  A Dominant is the lucky recipient of the trust from a submissive that in every way, they will put the safety of what ever they are being given dominance of; whether that be orgasm control, discipline, or a myriad of other ‘things’ that a submissive has the ability to give up control.  A good Dominant, IMHO, will be a caregiver, gentle, understanding, offer leadership, take on the responsibility of both self-improvement and their submissive’s (and any others they care for) overall improvement.  They will also be humble, possess the ability to recognize their own deficiencies, and have the courage to look for ways to paths do decrease such deficiencies.  Above everything a Dominant must earn respect from their submissive.  Respect and trust are such critical and fragile things that they must be of the foremost importance.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s