Handling Negative Emotions in D/s

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Day 8 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s


Photo by Callum Skelton on Unsplash

This week the topic Handling Negative Emotions

Negative Emotions, we all have them.  We get anxious, jealous, filled with fear, or just feel off sometimes.  What is important is how we handle those negative feelings.  In a D/s partnership like mine, part of our dynamic includes communicating how we are feeling on a regular basis.  This becomes even more important when those feelings come from a negative place.  For me negative feelings tend to result from inaccurate assumptions or feelings of doubt in myself.  My own history of issues with self-image, self-worth, and, to borrow the term (LovingBDSM), my own bad tapes are usually the root cause of my negative emotions.  During such times, I struggle, but know that if I talk to my Dominant, things tend to get better.  Usually the resulting conversation will show me that my fears and anxieties were off somehow, or even completely unrealistic.  But talking through them, even if it means just writing them down, helps tremendously.  On the rare occasion that negative feelings come up that involve something that my Dominant has done, or is doing, I find it hard to be confrontational.  At these times, I will reach out to a trusted friend first to run it by them.  This serves to figure out if may feelings have foundation or are just rooted in fear.  Fear for me, is typically the biggest cause of most of my negative feelings.  This may not be the same for anyone else. 

Dominants are not immune from negative feelings.  There are times when very similar situations come up from the other side of the /. Dominants need to have the same avenues available to them to express and deal with their negative emotions just like they do for their submissive.  In my partnership, we try to make a point to check in at least once a week; particularly if there has been a lot going on in our ‘vanilla’ lives.  By making a point to check in, we tend to avoid the bigger issues that have built up in the past.  I make a point of trying to make myself available for one on one conversations when there are little or no distractions for these discussions.  There have also been times when I have had to write things down, like a list, to keep myself on track.  By doing so, I can keep my thoughts in order and not controlled by the negative emotions that I am battling.

As with most everything in D/s; communicate, communicate, communicate.  No one is a mind reader, and unrealistic expectations can only cause further trouble. 

Disclaimer: The opinions contained in this blog are not a substitute for therapy and should not be considered anything other than my personal experience.  Your experiences can and will be different. Emotions that are obsessive, unrealistic, or overwhelming may lead to serious mental health issues.  If you feel that these emotions are too much to handle… Please seek professional help in your area.  If you need assistance finding someone, please contact me and I will do all I can to assist you in your search.

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne