How Do You Feel About Pain?

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Day 13 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Pleasurable Pain

Pain for pleasure is the S&M part of BDSM, meaning sadism and masochism.  However, pain is not a requirement for D/s.  Some people find pleasure in some levels of pain, giving or receiving, while others find it a turn off.  The important thing to remember is that wherever you fall on the spectrum, if you are playing with a consenting partner, that is your dynamic and it is just fine.

I happen to enjoy some levels of pain, specifically impact play.  Now, while I have not experienced all types of impact play, I have some masochistic tendencies.  One area where I find many people enjoy impact specifically is spankings.  Now a spanking can be a simple smack on your ass during sex, or a complete spanking session using one or more implements such as canes, floggers, or even hands.

New to inflicting pain

My partner is new to D/s and was raised that a man should never hit a woman, so it is taking some adjustment for him to find a level he is willing to inflict the pain that I desire.  This is a common issue, specifically with those individuals causing the pain.  They often must battle very deeply ingrained habits.  The best course of action I have found is constant communication.  I ask for my spankings for now, we have not reached a point where they can be used in the power exchange area of our dynamic.  By requesting them, I let him know that I am all in, I want it.  I also make sure to tell him how much I enjoyed the pain afterwards.  He is growing more confident, and I get a little more excited each time.

Spankings are not the only types of pain.  Honestly the list could go one forever.  However, in my research and conversations I have found that spankings, slaps, edging, and positioning are perhaps the most common.  No matter what type of pain you may find interesting, education, practice, caution, and intention need to be included.

A word of caution

One area that I suggest using extreme caution is mental pain.  I have only spoke to one individual that found pleasure from being the target of extremely painful mental dynamics.  In their case, they found pleasure from the mental breakdown in the building back up.  If this is hard to understand, what is sometimes referred to as a mindfuck would be a very mild form of mental pain.

So, to close this out for today: pain for me is a big turn on, BUT it does not have to be for everyone.  If you are curious about pain and the pleasure that it can bring, talk about it with your partner. 

As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne


The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s
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Where it all began…

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Journey back with me … almost 18 years old and I met a man, significantly older than I, while working at McDonald’s of all places. The way he spoke to me, sent shocks down to my core. My inexperienced immature mind had no idea what it meant. Over the course of a couple weeks, as my birthday approached, he made simple comments that I found myself spending hours upon hours hitting repeat in my head. With less than a week left til the big day, he walked straight up to me and asked me if I wanted to know how a woman is supposed to feel!! Stunned silent, I know I turned 10 shades of red, I retreated into my work and tried to avoid his glances as he ate his damn Big Mac, minus pickle and onion (24 years later and I can still remember that geez!)

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