When Sex Takes a Backseat to Relationship Troubles

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I grew up hearing the old saying “Don’t go to bed angry.” And somewhere between then and now, I gave up on the expectation that every problem can be resolved before your head hits the pillow.

Sex drops down the list of priorities when a relationship is in trouble

I can’t be the only one who does not feel the least bit sexy when frustrations in my relationship cause tension throughout the day. And when disagreement and stress lasts more than a day or two, sex is the furthest thing from my mind.

I still have desires and fantasies, don’t get me wrong. However, I can’t help but think that my partner, and definitely previous partners take having sex as a sign that everything is just fine. Am I wrong? So, I don’t engage in sex when there are issues outside the bedroom left unresolved.

I end up being the Bitch

Some people have called me a bitch, claiming I use sex as a way to control my partner, or get them to do what I want. And maybe that is true. BUT, I have a hard time compartmentalizing my sexual feelings and my other thoughts. So when the days are filled with negative energy, for whatever reason. I can’t just shut it off and get turned on, or at least I don’t want to.

Yes, I know, communication is the key to a long and happy relationship. I can here Kayla Lords saying it over and over again in my head. Communication should definitely be the cornerstone of any D/s relationship. But let’s face it, sometimes real life gets in the way of any type of kinky fun.

Time to put up or shut up

So I have come to a crossroads. The most recent issues seem to continue as unresolved. I am just not ready to move on and accept defeat and no reasonable compromise seems in site. I am not sure what this means for my relationship as a whole, but I do know that the power exchange that was part of our D/s will need some renegotiation.

Well thanks for listening to my tattered ramblings… and don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted.

Categories: My Complicated Life Tags: , ,

There I am… return to submission and glorious subspace!


Tiny discreet messages sent throughout the day…

“I can’t wait to see you bare wet pussy.”

“My cock is getting hard thinking of tasting you”

“I want you… now… you are mine!”

As the air rushes in through open windows and the quiet blanket of night settles on the grass, he calls me to the bed. I slip on the bed as the memories of the earlier messages cause a familiar throb deep in my cunt. He has teased me all week, and I am already dripping in anticipation. As he reaches over and grabs the back of my neck I can’t help it as a deep and full moan escapes my lips. He has taken to his new role with renewed fervor lately.

Next, he kisses me, in that deep and possessive way that begs my toes to curl as I begin to melt in his arms. Guiding me through each kiss, he makes it clear that I am here for him, I am his.

“Yes, Sir”

“Suck my cock,” he demands, knowing that not only do I relish the assertion, but love the feeling of soft folds as they slowly become hard, erect, and engorged. “Yes Sir,” I whisper. Still unsure if this will be the right title for him, he smiles in pleasure as our gaze locks just as my lips land on his succulent cock.

Fresh out of the shower, my wet tendrils fall across my face as I take him in ever so slowly. Is there any better feeling in the world than a cock pulsing and growing between lips and tongue? Cupping his balls, I apply pressure to the perineum as he lets out a deep, long moan. I have only a moment to register the quiet outside and wonder how far that moan would travel before the member growing, pressing against the roof of my mouth brings me quickly back to the task at hand. I did not want to rush this. This busy week has kept us apart and I crave him at my very core.

The Feast

As if reading my mind, he gently flips me to my back, grabbing my hands to hold my spread legs, he gives me a devilish grin before diving between my thighs. Seemingly both thirsty and hungry as tongue and teeth volley for their turn as my dripping cunt. I fight to stay relaxed and just enjoy his feast, while my thighs tremble as my sensitive clit begs them to dance. Flexibility definitely has it’s advantages when you are a big gal! Throwing my head back, I sank deep into the cool sheets as I finally let all other thoughts go from my head, simply enjoying the moment.

I couldn’t tell you how long he tasted and drank from my ripe and ready pussy, nor would I care to know. We he had what he wanted, he moved up the bed and fed me his cock again… grabbing a vibrator from the side table, he coaxed my hand to hold it against my lips, insuring that there would be no decrease in sensitivity anytime soon. Rocking on his knees, he slowly fucked my mouth while one hand caressed and stroked from my shoulders to my knees and back again. Each caress sending me closer and closer.

Take what is yours…

“Come here so I can fuck your tight wet pussy, ” he stated, knowing that I was hot and ready, my clit vibrating and tender. As I climbed toward his side of the bed, he covered the head of his cock with our favorite lube, knowing that by using it he could dive in hard and have no worry of hurting me. He turned me around and his sounds of approval had me bend even lower as I aligned my wet cunt with his cock. As he grabbed my hips I braced myself for the initial delicious plunge. There is just no other sensation that is quite like that first deep dive.

Slow and gentle gave way to hard and pounding as he drilled my cunt with his rock hard cock. He grabbed handfuls of ass as he pushed and pulled, finding a steady, amazing rhythm. Trying to take quick breaths between each thrust and arch my back in such a way to decrease tomorrow’s inevitable ache, I wasn’t prepared for the first smack. I knew this time was different immediately, the sharpness and repetition I had been craving slammed into me one after another punctuated by each hard thrust. One side then the other, back and forth, followed by a rapid staccato.

I sunk deep into the mattress as I not only reached but flew past one climax, exploding through another, and another. My mind spinning, having only a brief moment to think, “oh yes, finally.” Dizzying sensations overtook my mind as the last thing I can completely remember is a punctuated smack with one hand as the other latched on and held me, his cock sunk deep into my cunt.

Back to reality… damn

It had been quite some time since I felt anything quite like it, as I waited patiently for my mind and body to come back into some kind of communication. For me, my mind always slams home first, but way before my mouth is able to work correctly. As the buzzing in my ears began to fall away he collapsed on the bed beside me and pulled me close to him. I tried to explain what I was feeling and words just wouldn’t come out. I just smiled and pressed my face into his chest and enjoyed the moment. There was something I had to do, but it had fallen away. I was exactly where I was supposed to be, and oh how I have missed me.

Masturbation Monday
Categories: Masturbation Monday Tags: , ,

Growing up Sex Positive

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I am so excited to share a post from the source… a young adult that grew up in a sex-positive environment. Was it a positive experience? Read and see for yourself….

Growing up my mother was very sex positive. For as long as I could remember if I had a question, it was answered honestly and without hesitation and I never thought sex conversations were awkward. Being a girl, and having a mother that was sex positive made sex less of an awkward thing for me to talk about. I felt as though I could talk to my mom about literally ANY questions I had. Now just because we could talk about it, doesn’t mean that’s the only thing we talked about.

Is there such a thing as too much information?

   I’ve noticed people have this perception on sex positive parenting that they are “throwing sex into the child’s face.” That wasn’t the case whatsoever. My mom never threw sex in my face and we didn’t talk about her personal sexual encounters. It wasn’t like that. All it was, and is, is that children and teenagers have questions about sex. 

   Children are curious, and children become even more curious of what they know nothing about. I grew up where I felt comfortable to ask any questions I had. Any questions that popped into my head, that every child thinks of, I was able to ask instead of wonder. Instead of trying to figure out myself, where I could potentially get hurt in the process. I was able to know what was right and what was “wrong” in circumstances of consent, without it being a weird conversation with my parents. And honestly I never had to have that awkward “birds and bees” conversation you all know of. I was able to explore my body once being older, in a safe and appropriate way, and being able to ask questions at the appropriate time.

And the cycle continues…

     I think having a sex positive parent has been an amazing thing. Sex is natural and it’s something everyone runs into in life, and it should be talked about like a natural thing. Having a sex positive parent, has made me want to be a sex positive parent. Who doesn’t want to make sure their children know they can come to them literally about anything?

Nis Foster is a young parent to two amazing children and child herself of a Sex-Positive advocate and educator. Nis identifies as she/her and spends as much time as she can just enjoying being with her kiddos. She is a natural writer with an interesting point of view on many topics facing young people today. Show some love and hopefully I can convince her to be a regular contributor.

As always thanks for stopping by — RaxLeAnne

What Does Dominance Mean to You?

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Ok, first things first, I must give a shout out to Kayla Lords and John Brownstone over at LovingBDSM for providing a wonderful workbook/ email opt-in to work with.   After subscribing to the email list, I later purchased the digital workbook to use to increase communication with my (new to D/s) partner.  Now, I am going to take this a bit further and use it as (ideally) 30 posts in 30 days.  I am hoping this will not only help you to get to know me but improve how much I know about myself.  Again, thanks LovingBDSM!  So, if you find this helpful, want to join the email list, purchase the workbook, or are just curious about all things kinky, go over and check them out, they are great people, doing great work.

So, the prompt for this first post is What Does Dominance Mean to You?

                For me, the first word that I immediately associate with Dominance is control, followed closely behind by protection.  To dominate someone else should require that the person doing the dominating have, at minimum, a realistic and honest drive to keep the other person safe.  And I mean safe from both physical and mental harm.  Dominance, IMHO, also requires an ongoing education.  Just because someone likes to take control, does NOT mean they should be trusted with it.

                In a relationship, I envision dominance in many different domains.  Sexual dominance can be as simple as being the person who initiates contact, with consent.  Financial dominance; it is not uncommon for one member of a couple to take control of balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, even being the primary income.  Professional dominance is something I envision as the cooperate tiger, who has their way in all matters business related.  Then there is parental dominance, this is the dominance and responsibility ALL parents should have with their children, including guidance, education, direction, understanding and supporting both financially and emotionally.

However, a Dominant in the D/s, sense has a much larger responsibility.  A “true” Dominant CAN be all the above, or just one or more.  A Dominant is the lucky recipient of the trust from a submissive that in every way, they will put the safety of what ever they are being given dominance of; whether that be orgasm control, discipline, or a myriad of other ‘things’ that a submissive has the ability to give up control.  A good Dominant, IMHO, will be a caregiver, gentle, understanding, offer leadership, take on the responsibility of both self-improvement and their submissive’s (and any others they care for) overall improvement.  They will also be humble, possess the ability to recognize their own deficiencies, and have the courage to look for ways to paths do decrease such deficiencies.  Above everything a Dominant must earn respect from their submissive.  Respect and trust are such critical and fragile things that they must be of the foremost importance.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

Fat people get horny too!!

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Have you ever looked at anything selling sex,  sex toys,  or suggestable clothing and noticed there are very few that show models,  specifically women, above a size 4 or so? Even sites claiming to cater to plus sized individuals, really display plus sized models,  and IF they do,  they might be a size 16.  The average dress in the US is somewhere around 14-16 for women,  yet the models are always tiny.

Now, I will be the first person to admit that there has been some improvements,  in magazines and other media, but not so much in shopping.  Jump over to Amazon and search for plus sized clothing and I’ll bet there is not one picture of a plus sized women,  even when the sizes available to purchase start at XL.  I don’t know about you,  but I’d like a better idea of what something might look like on someone closer to my size!

Clothing sales isn’t the only place this occurs.  Trying to purchase sex related gear or toys turns out the same way,  advertisements always feature porn-ish pictures of people in the throws of passion never having to struggle to reach their clit, or if they can reach it,  how out of breath it makes them.  Maybe that’s just me.

I’d pay good money for products that show honesty in their advertising… the fishnet stockings where the holes are stretched more around luscious thighs,  the corset that shows something bigger than an A cup with a like spillage over the top.  We’d all benefit from less expectation to meet some socially accepted stereotype of what is sexy.

I’ve met people of all shapes and sizes that not only want sex,  but actively attempt to shop for things that make them feel sex or enhance their sexual exploits.  Just give me some sexy,  comfy outfits for this big ass and I’ll be happy.

What stresses you when it comes to sex related purchases? What would you like to see,  or what would convince you to buy?

– raxleanne

Where it all began…

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Journey back with me … almost 18 years old and I met a man, significantly older than I, while working at McDonald’s of all places. The way he spoke to me, sent shocks down to my core. My inexperienced immature mind had no idea what it meant. Over the course of a couple weeks, as my birthday approached, he made simple comments that I found myself spending hours upon hours hitting repeat in my head. With less than a week left til the big day, he walked straight up to me and asked me if I wanted to know how a woman is supposed to feel!! Stunned silent, I know I turned 10 shades of red, I retreated into my work and tried to avoid his glances as he ate his damn Big Mac, minus pickle and onion (24 years later and I can still remember that geez!)

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Dazed and Confused


Is this really a possibility?  I sit here and wonder if this nagging feeling that I just cannot seem to let go of it stupid, a waste of time, or maybe, just maybe… possible.  When I ask close family and friends that understand (most of) my kinks and sexual stance, some are very supportive.  “Do what you want, people will either love it or hate it,” they say.  Others are a little more constructively critical.  Do I have a unique voice in the sex information/blogging/website stratosphere????? And the honest answer to that question is most likely no.  There are tons of websites and blogs devoted to sex, kink, even mental health and understanding how they all cohabitate.  So I find my self struggling to decide if this is something I really want to do.

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