Allusive Subspace

No Comments

Day 22 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Subspace is one of those things associated with D/s, specifically the submissive side, although some claim similar headspace can be achieved by dominants, that can be a great benefit, but unfortunately is not always a guarantee.  Subspace can be most easily explained by the rush of hormones that lead to a feeling of being faint, flying, or buzzed.  Some have likened subspace to alcohol intoxication, due to the buzzed or foggy mind feeling, as well as the drop, or hangover that can occur. 

I, unfortunately, have little experience with Subspace.  I think, in part due to my over-analytical nature, have only reached Subspace one time that I can remember.  Consequently, I found myself chasing Subspace, consenting to more and more intense play, trying to achieve that feeling.  As someone who has addictive personality traits, I am now more aware of the negative consequences of the chase and no longer try.

Perhaps my biggest lesson of submission has been that I must learn what really giving up control is, there is a marked difference between the words and the actions.  This time around, I am committed to giving my submission my full focus.  Only time will tell how it works out.

Have you been to Subspace? What did you learn?

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

What Titles and Labels Do You Prefer?

No Comments

Titles are one of those things in D/s, or even BDSM, that can be either/both positive and negative.  Generally, I have a strong disdain for labels of any type.  Titles and labels give others a way of fitting someone into a preconceived mold of how they think they should appear, behave, or even what people they should then be partnered with.  If I was forced to pick one title to express myself at this point in my life, the simplest is submissive.  However, I also have switch behaviors, most typically I would be classified as a bottom, and I also have a few babygirl tendencies that will crop up from time to time.  I am a masochist, though some may consider me masochist-lite due to my preference against some of the more severe aspects of impact play.  In the past, I did embrace the titles pet, baby, and little, though they just do not fit me these days.

Titles/labels for my partners have changed over the years as well.  My first recognizable D/s (refer to Where it all began… for earlier experiences) was simple.  It was his desire that he be called Sir, and I obliged, however, my title was usually woman.  He took on the more domineering role that many associate with dominance, thanks to porn and media.  Another relationship was mostly long distance, from the beginning he wanted me to call him Master, but never really gave me a title, he was focused on my use of ‘yes, Master’ or ‘what ever you wish, Master’.  Looking back now, I can see how I was subjugated, and not completely honored. 

Fast forward to my current relationship, we have not really discussed labels or titles.  In the most D/s moments, he will use terms like ‘mine’, and it just makes me melt.  I have concluded that titles and labels may help to explain to someone a side of my personality, so that is really the only time I use them beyond sub/submissive, and Dom/Dominant for my partner.

What titles/labels do you/have you used?  Are there ones that you dislike or stay away from?

Admittedly, I was leery of the title Daddy, until recently.  Though it is still not one I could see myself using, I have a better understanding of the Daddy/Caregiver personality.  Thanks mostly to John Brownstone and Kayla Lords over at LovingBDSM.  They have taught me how different a Daddy Dom can be to my own preconceived notions in the past.  Also, they are who to thing for this topic… help me give them a thumbs up by checking them out!!

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

What Does Submission Mean to You?

No Comments

Day 2 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s 

If you would have asked me a decade ago what submission meant or was, I would have simply answered serving another, or giving up control to another person.  While yes, that is part of submission, it has since taken on so much more.  Submission involves an innate desire to be taken care of, supported, molded, and in an ever-evolving state of improvement.  Submission is best embrace when there is a trusting guide, usually a Dominant, to take the responsibility of the lessons that need to be learned.  However, submission can and does occur in every day social circles where people may not recognize what it represents.  Submission can take on forms such as helping; nurses, doctors, mental health practitioners for example, or service; customer service, creators, artists, and even police officers, firefighters and emts.  Many professions can fulfill a submissive desire if one is open-minded enough to search it out.

In a relationship, submission can also take many forms.  For me personally, I am mostly a sexual submissive in my primary relationship.  Therefore, my SO (D in training) takes on leadership and control in sexual situations.  However, there are times when he can remind me of my submission in simple, yet effective, ways.  Just the other day we spoke about a common gesture that he does without thinking that puts me in a submissive headspace nearly immediately.  Whenever I am driving and he is in the passenger seat of the car, he tends to grab the back of my neck.  Sometimes it just sits there, while other times he may massage or squeeze gently.  In the instances when we are alone, it works very quickly.  However, I realized only recently that it does not have the same effect when any of our children are in the car with us.  I choose to compartmentalize my submission.  And while I embody many submissive mannerisms around my children, such as taking care of them, or helping them in some way, I just do not feel the same way, so for me it is different enough.  I am always searching for ways to expand my submission.  This blog/website is part of that desire.

There also does NOT exist one type of submissive, as I have met and talked to individuals from many different backgrounds and personalities that embrace submission as a large part of their identity.  For me though there seems to be a few constants.  First, being an underlying need for at least one deep connection.  Some submissives may take time to trust another, but once they do, that trust goes to the core of their being.  Another unfortunate, but seemingly universal trait is self-deprecation in some form.  I do not mean this in a bad way, but all submissives I have spoken with are just too hard on themselves, myself included.  Sure, I try to be self-confident and fight what I refer to as my mental demons, but most individuals have that nagging voice of doubt, somewhere.  Except maybe psychopathic and narcissistic individuals, but that is a whole other issue.

What other ways do you define submission?  Are there universal traits to submissives?  What do you think?

The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne