Day 27 of 30 days of exploration through D/s
I find myself both excited and nervous when out comes to tasks and rituals. Perhaps due to being overwhelmed with strict expectations in a previous D/s relationship that ended abruptly (see the post here). But as a new Dominant, my partner has yet to fully embrace the idea, so I’m not sure where things will lead.
So as a sort of compromise we’ve landed on permissions, and very few expectations. Let me explain… Recently, I rearranged our bedroom, moved everything, organized the clutter, and made sure every bit of laundry was folded or hung and put away. Now I’m the first to admit, I’m no Suzy homemaker! I just don’t feel the need to have everything spotless, though for the most part everything is clean, life just takes over sometimes. Part of the new look for the bedroom included a gorgeous new purple bedspread, so I took it upon myself to make sure that every day since the bed is made and looks pretty when I first wake up. Though this was not asked of me, he noticed, and expressed appreciation for it. Almost a “good girl.”
However, yesterday I did not make the bed. My D, wouldn’t know this until well into the evening, but I found myself having a bad day. I just felt off and couldn’t put my finger on it. Small things bugged me and I had a strange feeling something just was not right. Later in the afternoon I had to go through my bedroom after something and it hit me… the bed was unmade. I could have just been smacked in the face; all the feelings were there, I felt like I had really let myself and him down. Now, I know in the big scheme, this is tiny, insignificant, but because it was a small task that I enjoyed doing for him and he appreciated, it seemed big when left undone. I suddenly realized why I had felt just a bit off. I had broken the pattern that had formed over recent weeks for the first time.
When he made his way to the bedroom later, I apologized for not having completed the task, and got his gentle “it’s ok babe.” But I do not think he realizes how important it was for me to do that for him. So in this case, though there was no punishment, the guilt caused other chaos. Though when we have our house back (visitors), I hope to discuss it with him.
As far as permissions go, they really are a way for me to make sure I’m not doing something that he does not want or desire. One example is masturbation. I have free rein to masturbate when he is not with me. That has actually been part of our understanding even before attempting D/s. However, recently I have found times at night, when he’s already asleep, that I have considered it. Of course having a new toy probably helps… lol. So I mustered the nerve to ask permission. That is the hardest thing to do! I swear, I have a hundred scripted conversations in my own head every time I need to ask him the simplest question. And most of the time it ends up being a simple yes. Well this time, it was even better. Not only did he give permission, but he was turned on by the idea! Woohoo! That always makes my submissive heart dance.
So, while tasks and rituals are not officially part of our D/s, we’re working on it. After all, isn’t half the fun in the journey??
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The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here. If you would like to join in, check them out. If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.