What Does Dominance Mean to You?
Ok, first things first, I must give a shout out to Kayla Lords and John Brownstone over at LovingBDSM for providing a wonderful workbook/ email opt-in to work with. After subscribing to the email list, I later purchased the digital workbook to use to increase communication with my (new to D/s) partner. Now, I am going to take this a bit further and use it as (ideally) 30 posts in 30 days. I am hoping this will not only help you to get to know me but improve how much I know about myself. Again, thanks LovingBDSM! So, if you find this helpful, want to join the email list, purchase the workbook, or are just curious about all things kinky, go over and check them out, they are great people, doing great work.
So, the prompt for this first post is What Does Dominance Mean to You?
For me, the first word that I immediately associate with Dominance is control, followed closely behind by protection. To dominate someone else should require that the person doing the dominating have, at minimum, a realistic and honest drive to keep the other person safe. And I mean safe from both physical and mental harm. Dominance, IMHO, also requires an ongoing education. Just because someone likes to take control, does NOT mean they should be trusted with it.
In a relationship, I envision dominance in many different domains. Sexual dominance can be as simple as being the person who initiates contact, with consent. Financial dominance; it is not uncommon for one member of a couple to take control of balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, even being the primary income. Professional dominance is something I envision as the cooperate tiger, who has their way in all matters business related. Then there is parental dominance, this is the dominance and responsibility ALL parents should have with their children, including guidance, education, direction, understanding and supporting both financially and emotionally.
However, a Dominant in the D/s, sense has a much larger responsibility. A “true” Dominant CAN be all the above, or just one or more. A Dominant is the lucky recipient of the trust from a submissive that in every way, they will put the safety of what ever they are being given dominance of; whether that be orgasm control, discipline, or a myriad of other ‘things’ that a submissive has the ability to give up control. A good Dominant, IMHO, will be a caregiver, gentle, understanding, offer leadership, take on the responsibility of both self-improvement and their submissive’s (and any others they care for) overall improvement. They will also be humble, possess the ability to recognize their own deficiencies, and have the courage to look for ways to paths do decrease such deficiencies. Above everything a Dominant must earn respect from their submissive. Respect and trust are such critical and fragile things that they must be of the foremost importance.