What is your Safeword?

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Day 10 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Safewords, an often-overcomplicated issue in the BDSM community, can be a simple concept. 

Anyone who engages in any kind of activity sexual, scene, or otherwise can and SHOULD incorporate the use of one or more Safewords.    Safewords can be either a set thing for an individual or can be negotiated.  However, all parties should be fully aware of each other’s Safewords as well as what they mean for that individual. 

In the past I have used several different Safewords that were mundane objects and would not likely be related to the activity, such as apple or bicycle.  These words can work, but the hard part is usually remembering them when your head is a bit fuzzy from endorphins.  A common system, and one my partner and I have discussed using is the light system.  Most people are familiar with the street light system where Green means Go, Yellow means Proceed with Caution, and Red means Stop.  These can be directly applied to interactions within BDSM, with a few additions. 

I see the light system in this way:

  • Green – keep doing that, that feels good, I’m having no issues.  Issues can be physical, mental, or even both.  When someone expresses green, they are wanting to continue the activity. 
  • Yellow – I’m doing ok but be careful.  This can mean that the activity is causing some physical discomfort, but for now you can proceed.  However, this could refer to triggers or mental issues that are beginning to spring up. While they may still be under some control and they want to proceed; care should be taken to proceed cautiously.
  • Red – STOP everything Immediately!!!  This is non-negotiable.  Many people do not utilize the other colors, but Red is mostly universal.

As with anything else, this is my personal opinion and in no way should be taken as gospel.  I hope you have found this informative, please contact me if there are any questions and be sure to check out my other posts.


The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

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