When Drop is Ignored

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Day 24 of 30 days of exploration through D/s

Today’s topic is Drop, SubDrop and DomDrop… basically that inevitable down swing of hormones and emotions that can occur after an intense scene or kinky play. Drop is one of those things in D/s that should be discussed as part of any scene negotiation or relationship communication. Because Drop cannot necessarily be avoided it is important to understand what can happen and how to handle it when it does.

The Ideal

In a perfect world Drop would occur during that window of time that aftercare is offered. In this scenario, the partner would have all the physical and emotional support they may need as they ‘come down’. In the most basic of situations, water (or Gatorade), light food, and sometimes a favorite blanket or something to cuddle with is all someone may need during this time. Really they just need to know they are not alone. And after intense scenes or play it may be a good idea to check in with each other over the next 24-48 hours or so.

The Danger Zone

Conversely, there are times that the worst can happen. Triggers during a scene can cause a severe case of Drop followed by equally severe emotional turmoil. In my case, I unknowing did not negotiate any aftercare. I attended a party, took part in an intense scene, where towards the end I became extremely triggered when my partner placed my in real police issued handcuffs. He did the right thing and all play stopped when my reaction turned into panic. However, there was no one there (slow night, more of a play party than proper dungeon) that knew how to handle such an intense Drop and emotional situation. As far as I can remember, I was placed in a car, dropped off at home, alone, and not checked in on… at all. I lucked out, my roommate came home a few hours later and knew me well enough to take care of me. To say I went through an emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. I’m fine now, so no worries, but I did learn a ton from that night.

Now What…

Muy advice to anyone looking to negotiate a scene with a new partner or even existing relationship, discuss the details of aftercare, what you expect of each other, what you can offer, what you may need, and finally what’d to do if something goes wrong.


The post is part of an ongoing series found on LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here. if you would like to join in, check them out. If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

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