When Kink is Hard

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You might think that with a title like that I’m referring to impact play or rough kinky sex. However, I mean just the opposite. I’ve come to realize that kink is not always an easy thing to do. Sure my mind is full of amazing fantasies, but the truth is, it is sometimes work. More work than it probably should be.

Sex in general in an ongoing relationship sometimes gets lost between work schedules, kids activities, and just being tired. It’s hard to feel sexy when you or your partner is in pain as well.

This last week my back has been causing me to be in a near constant state of pain. And, while I’m fully aware there are sexy, kinky things that we can do that do not exaggerate the pain. When I’m fighting pain, the farthest thing from my mind is kinky fuckery. Then, I end up fighting the inevitable guilt. I’m the one in our relationship with the higher sex drive typically, so for me to shy away from sexual activities, it is a definite sign that I’m hurting, probably more than I’m willing to admit.

So I end up pondering what I should do. I know the evil shoulda, coulda, or wouldas. But there is some sense to my madness, I think. If I’m not sexually available to my partner, my dominant, the man I love, we tend to stagnate. Sex is a habit, therefore not having sex, even if it’s for good reasons becomes a habit.

When I’m in pain, laying in bed is one of the worst things for my back. Add that to my tendency toward being a major night owl, it becomes very easy for me to stay up quite late instead of going to bed. And since his work schedule is crazy right now, that means he’s usually asleep by 11pm at the latest. For me, that might as well be mid-evening.

So what’s a gal to do? I flash back to awkward moments when I understood my parents were signaling each other for sex. Though to this day, my mother swears all those knee rubs didn’t end in sex. A time when sex was treated like a duty instead of a pleasure.

So I guess I’m just admitting that sex and kink are sometimes work. Thank goodness the payoff is usually worth it 😉

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