When Real Life Interferes With D/s

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Day 15 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s

Real life has a way of being like a freight train moving through the pleasure parts of our lives.  For me it is no different.  Trying to keep a deep D/s connection during times of increased stress must become a priority.

Recently a close family member was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer.  That was the reason for the trip last week.  However, even after returning home, the increase stress from the situation did not just disappear.  Maybe it is just me and my overactive mind that has such a hard time just letting go of the outside world.  I have found there are a couple of ways to handle these things in my D/s relationship. 

What we do that helps


First, communication, as always, is key.  Revealing to your partner what is going on in your head may seem simple enough, but when it comes to doing that thing called talking, we typically get in our own way.  However, high stress times make taking this step even more important.  From my own perspective, I know that if I am stressed and not able to verbalize why I can begin to fall down that rabbit whole that will cause an even bigger issue in my relationship(s).  Conversely, when my partner is highly stressed, I also have a hard time not taking on the pressure.  I blame myself or think that it is something I have caused or in the least am inadequate to fix.  This is when I find my submissive desires to be the strongest.  I try to just be there for my partner.  Eventually it seems to level back out.


Second, structure/protocols provide much need routine during times of increased stress.  The mind is an amazing thing, and when we institute routine into our daily lives, it helps the mind to calm, almost meditate.  I have learned from many others that the smallest tasks help to remind many submissives of their service.  On the other hand, Dominants benefit from the routine when outside stressors occur by being able to depend on their submissives to do those routine things.  They become as dependent on the routine as submissives do.

Take a break

Finally, do not be afraid to take a step back from the strict D/s, and just be with each other.  I find myself desiring the power dynamic so much, even depending on it, that I forget that beyond all of that we are two individuals that are walking this life together, and no labels are needed to define that.  Some people may disagree, or think that putting the power exchange on hold makes us less D/s.  However, when we come back, it ends up being a big comfort.  Almost like a lost love.

Want to be part of the conversation…

So, how do you deal with lives stressors? Do you dig your heals into your D/s? Does it take a backseat?

As always – thanks for stopping by – raxleanne

Don’t forget to check out the rest of my blog and follow me on Twitter @raxleanne


The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here.  if you would like to join in, check them out.  If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.

Loving BDSM 30 Days of D/s

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