When Vanilla turns D/s
Day 12 of 30 days of self-exploration through D/s
Today’s topic hits very close to home for me. While I have known that I am submissive for most of my adult life (even if I did not know the name of it lol), I entered my current relationship in a more vanilla way and coming up on five years together have only ventured into D/s over the past (almost) year. I have never lied or withheld anything from my partner, so it was no real surprise when I broached the subject of taking our relationship in a D/s direction. Thankfully, he was very receptive to the idea, even though he has no experience with D/s or really any kind of kink.
The first conversation…
I was so nervous to bring the subject up, because I was afraid that he would take the idea as an insult to him and what he had to offer. And that was the last thing that I wanted. Having had prior experience with kink and D/s, I am aware of how much a relationship CAN benefit. However, I did not approach this as a fix-all for our relationship issues either. So, we went slow. I expressed my desire as a ‘let’s try this thing’ with no real expectations that he would want to move forward and braced myself for rejection. I got lucky. Not only was he willing, he continues to be curious about all aspects of D/s. And let’s face it kinky curiosity can be a very good thing.
Where to start? For us, the most logical place to start was to talk about limits and Safewords. I sent him the list I have compiled over the years. Get it HERE. And simply asked that he take the time to read it, ask any questions, and made sure he understood that everything on this list was not a green light for me. I also explained what is known as the light system of Safewords. He took his time going through the list, which for impatient me was an interesting first step toward the new ‘potential’ power exchange.
The conversation/negotiation involved first going through and weeding out the things that neither of us have any interest in pursuing. These included hard limits, as well as the items that we just are not turned on by or curious about. Although, with such an extensive list, that still left plenty of ideas. After that came the fun stuff, we talked about things that really made us excited. And I was elated to find out that in quite a few areas, these matched. Everything that was left we labeled as maybe, but not now. We also included in the maybes things that would take some added education. For example, rope bondage is not something anyone should just jump into without learning about safety and procedures.
Playing for the first time after implementing the power exchange was an amazing turn on. He was gentle and caring, in his sweet way, but was able to let in a little control that just made me melt. One favorite kink of mine is asphyxiation, and we had played with it in the past, just a little, however because he now trusted me to balance him by using Safewords if I needed to, he was able to push himself and me farther than we dared before.
Now, I will be the first to admit, we are still in the infant stages of this dynamic. We are not rushing it. Finding out where we are now and what we enjoy is the whole point. Everything else will develop in time.
So, if you cannot tell, I am a bit excited to explore this new part of our relationship. I finally feel like I am my genuine self again, and that is glorious!!
The topic for this post was provided as part of LovingBDSM’s 30 days of D/s, which can be found here. if you would like to join in, check them out. If not, still check them out, they are great people doing great things for the D/s Community and so much more.
As always, thanks for stopping by – raxleanne